204. Tough Talks: Turn Tension Into Trust

204. Tough Talks: Turn Tension Into Trust

How to have the conversations that are most difficult — and most important.


Before you can have hard conversations with others, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. That's the counterintuitive advice from Sheila Heen, who says our own internal narratives often derail our attempts at negotiation and conflict resolution.

"The first negotiation is actually a negotiation I have with myself about my own story," explains Heen, a Harvard Law School lecturer and co-author of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. When entering challenging interactions, she recommends a powerful shift where we consider that our perspective is only one side of the story. "If I can shift my purpose from convincing you of something to just understanding how you see it and why we might see it differently, that actually is more likely to generate a good conversation with less defensiveness for both of us."

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Heen joins Matt Abrahams to explore effective communication in high-stakes situations. From giving and receiving feedback with her “ACE” framework (Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation) to recognizing the "degrees of difficulty" in disagreements, she offers practical strategies for having productive conversations even when emotions run high.

Episode Reference Links:


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Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (01:41) - Managing Anxiety in Tough Conversations
  • (03:55) - Why Emotions Matter
  • (07:03) - Shifting the Story We Tell Ourselves
  • (08:21) - Starting with the Real Issue
  • (10:00) - Getting Unstuck in Conflict
  • (12:58) - ACE: The Three Types of Feedback
  • (16:00) - Making Feedback Actionable
  • (18:20) - Finding Common Ground
  • (19:57) - The Final Three Questions
  • (28:39) - Conclusion

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Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be.

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3. When Knowing Too Much Can Hurt Your Communication: How to Make Complex Ideas Accessible

3. When Knowing Too Much Can Hurt Your Communication: How to Make Complex Ideas Accessible

As communicators, we often need to take complex information (e.g., financial, technical, or scientific) and make it more understandable for our audience – we’re experts and they likely aren’t. But having so much knowledge on the topics we discuss can often make the job more difficult: we dive in too quickly, forget about our audience's needs, or use jargon that goes over their heads. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, strategic communications lecturers Matt Abrahams and Lauren Weinstein explore the “curse of knowledge” and offer specific techniques you can use to be more successful in getting your point across.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********This episode is sponsored by Grammarly. Let Grammarly take the busywork off your plate so you can focus on high-impact work. Download Grammarly for free today Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be.

11 Helmi 202015min

2. Communicating Our Multiple Selves: How to Effectively Manage Your Reputation

2. Communicating Our Multiple Selves: How to Effectively Manage Your Reputation

How others perceive us in person and via social media can impact our careers and social standing. But we can build the reputation we want through conscious communication. On this podcast episode, strategic communication lecturers Matt Abrahams and Allison Kluger share techniques on effectively improving and managing your reputation.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********This episode is sponsored by Grammarly. Let Grammarly take the busywork off your plate so you can focus on high-impact work. Download Grammarly for free today Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be.

30 Tammi 202017min

1. Speaking Without a Net: How to Master Impromptu Communication

1. Speaking Without a Net: How to Master Impromptu Communication

Most professional communication is spontaneous in nature: it’s providing feedback in the moment, answering questions, introducing people. On this podcast episode, Strategic Communication lecturer Matt Abrahams speaks with Stanford lecturers Adam Tobin and Dan Klein on how to become more comfortable and confident in in-the-moment speaking situations. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********This episode is sponsored by Grammarly. Let Grammarly take the busywork off your plate so you can focus on high-impact work. Download Grammarly for free today Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be.

15 Tammi 202024min

Introducing Think Fast, Talk Smart: The Podcast

Introducing Think Fast, Talk Smart: The Podcast

Join Matt Abrahams, lecturer in strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he sits down with experts from across the world to discuss public speaking anxiety, speaking off the cuff, nailing a Q&A, and more.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

10 Tammi 20201min

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