103. Limerence, Longing, and Connection with Amanda McCracken

Coming up on this episode of Flirtations, we’re talking limerence, longing, and connection with our guest, Amanda McCracken, a journalist, speaker, and host of the insightful The Longing Lab podcast and author of the forthcoming book, When Longing Becomes Your Lover.

Inside the episode, we breakdown limerence and the limerence cycle, and how this intense and often obsessive infatuation we may develop for someone ultimately keeps us from developing the connections and relationships we desire.

We'll also explore the neuroscience behind limerence and how our brains are wired to desire what we don't have, and why this longing can become a comforting distraction.

But that’s not all, you all came through with questions and we’ve got answers, like how to break the limerence cycle? What if I just can’t get over someone? I have a crush, how can I not go into limerence? What are some strategies for obsessive thoughts? What role does social media and the dating apps play in all of this?

As we begin to wrap up the conversation, Amanda shares her decision to wait until 41 to have sex, which garnered national attention and sparked conversations about intimacy, self-worth, and the societal narratives that shape our romantic lives.

Alright flirties, let’s prepare to examine our desires and the stories we tell ourselves about love.

Time to meet Amanda!

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About our guest: Amanda McCracken is an award-winning journalist whose writing has been published in the New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, NPR, Elle, National Geographic, Vogue, Runner's World, Outside and elsewhere.

Her TEDx talk "How longing keeps us from healthy relationships" was one of only 200 talks chosen in 2023 as a TEDx editors' pick. She is now a TEDxCU speaker coach and a writing consultant at the University of Colorado.

McCracken has been interviewed about her essays on intimacy by Katie Couric, the BBC World News, USA Today, and various podcasts. After over a decade of research and interviews with 100+ people, her hybrid memoir on limerence When Longing Becomes Your Lover will be published Februrary 2026, but the greatest result of her investigative journey was meeting her husband and having their daughter.

McCracken is also an endurance athlete and triathlon coach of 25 years. Learn more about her at www.amandajmccracken.com, on Instagram @amandajmccracken, or discover more about the science and culture of longing at her podcast The Longing Lab.

About your host: Benjamin is a flirt and dating coach sharing his love of flirting and BFE - big flirt energy - with the world! A lifelong introvert and socially anxious member of society, Benjamin now helps singles and daters alike flirt with more confidence, clarity, and fun!

As the flirt is all about connection, Benjamin helps the flirt community (the Flirties!) date from a place that allows the value of connection in all forms - platonic, romantic, and with the self - to take center stage.

Ultimately, this practice of connection helps flirters and daters alike create stronger relationships, transcend limiting beliefs, and develop an unwavering love for the self.

His work has been featured in Fortune, NBC News, The Huffington Post, and Yoga Journal.

You can connect with Benjamin on Instagram, TikTok, stream the Flirtations Flirtcast everywhere you listen to podcasts (like right here!), and find out more about working together 1:1 here.