Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn15 Heinä 2025

ADHD and destigmatizing your desires

Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest.

Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how some people with ADHD use parts of BDSM, like structure, sensory input, and clearly defined roles. These can help support attention, reduce overwhelm, and build emotional regulation.

Listen as Cate and Leann challenge outdated assumptions, and learn how destigmatizing your desires can help you show up more fully in your life.

Related resources

Leann’s website, bornemancoaching.com
Leann’s dissertation, The Intersection of ADHD and BDSM Engagement in Heterosexual Women

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Timestamps

(00:00) Intro

(00:48) A comment from Cate on stigma

(02:35) BDSM as a coping strategy, not just a preference

(03:58) Society’s stigma versus the scientific research

(06:37) Pick and choose what works for you, you don’t have to label yourself

(10:53) ADHD and sexuality: Incapability versus lack of access

(13:10) What is causing this lack of access to good sex?

(17:27) Unmasking is key to authenticity and figuring out what you like

(19:11) BDSM creates space for safety through it’s collaborative and consentful nature

(21:54) Leann’s advice for those curious about BDSM and kink

(24:33) Outro and credits

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Tämä jakso on lisätty Podme-palveluun avoimen RSS-syötteen kautta eikä se ole Podmen omaa tuotantoa. Siksi jakso saattaa sisältää mainontaa.

Jaksot(51)

Help! I’m in a parentified relationship!

Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that su...

28 Tammi 202534min

Consensual non-monogamy and ADHD relationships

Monogamous romantic relationships have been seen as the norm for a long time. They’re the kind most commonly represented in the media, often as the only “right” kind of relationship. However, open rel...

14 Tammi 202534min

ADHD and: Rejection sensitivity (From the “ADHD and” podcast)

This week, host Cate Osborn shares an episode from ADHD and, another podcast on the MissUnderstood podcast channel. Imagine receiving a “no” to an idea you’ve shared in a meeting. Instead of brushing...

31 Joulu 202411min

Reddit reactions: ADHD and romantic relationships!

Have you ever been called a “manic pixie dream girl” by someone you were dating? Is it hard to remember your partner when they’re not with you? ADHD can bring its own set of challenges to dating, and ...

17 Joulu 202437min

Oh, Baby! It’s an ADHD pregnancy!

ADHD can impact pregnancy in a number of ways: Higher rate of postpartum depression, hormone surges that affect the brain’s functioning, increased demands on our executive function, and so much more. ...

3 Joulu 202434min

ADHD breakups: Impulsive texts and overthinking regrets

Sometimes, romantic relationships just don’t work out. And breaking up with someone can be really tough — including having the breakup conversation. With ADHD, overthinking, people-pleasing, and rejec...

19 Marras 202431min

ADHD and self-advocacy at work

Self-advocacy and ADHD workplace disclosure come together in a package. It’s important to know yourself and your values in order to be the best self-advocate you can be. In this week’s episode, ADHD a...

5 Marras 202429min

Using the Wheel of Consent to understand and express desire with Betty Martin

Consent is an agreement that people reach together. It can get a bit tricky with people-pleasing and black and white thinking — two things that can often come up with ADHD. The Wheel of Consent can he...

22 Loka 202437min