206: How To Stop Self-Sabotage So You Can Quit Pornography and Repair Your Relationship

206: How To Stop Self-Sabotage So You Can Quit Pornography and Repair Your Relationship

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornographyhttps://stopporn.info/

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here:

sam@healingcouples.org

Podcast Description: If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I keep going back to porn even when I don’t want to?” — this episode is for you.

In today’s conversation, we’re uncovering why so many men sabotage their progress when trying to quit porn, even when they’re motivated, committed, and know what’s at stake. Whether you're struggling with porn addiction, trying to break the habit of watching porn, or working to rebuild trust after betrayal, this episode dives into the root of why you keep slipping—and how to stop.

You’ll learn:

Why you keep relapsing during porn recovery even when you really want to change

The emotional and psychological patterns that lead to self-sabotage during addiction recovery

What’s actually happening when you feel triggered, overwhelmed, or disconnected—and how that leads back to porn

How to work through the internal stories like “I’m never going to change” or “This is just who I am”

How men use porn as a way to escape feelings like shame, rejection, failure, and not being enough

Why many men unintentionally destroy the intimacy and trust they’re trying to rebuild with their wives

The real reason your past efforts to quit pornography haven’t worked—and what to do differently

Tools that actually work to build lasting freedom from porn, heal your marriage, and create long-term change

How to stop numbing, hiding, and isolating when you're in emotional pain

Real client stories of men who broke free from long-term porn habits, repaired emotional connection, and finally felt proud of who they were becoming

If you’ve tried porn blockers, accountability groups, or even therapy—but still feel like something deeper is keeping you stuck—this episode will help you identify the real reason for your porn struggles and finally give you a clear path forward.

This is for men who are serious about:

How to quit watching porn

How to stop masturbating to porn

How to recover after cheating or lying about porn use

How to rebuild trust after porn addiction in marriage

How to stop watching porn without white-knuckling

How to heal shame after pornography use

How to fix your relationship after betrayal

What to do when your wife doesn’t feel safe after porn

How to build emotional safety in marriage

And most of all—how to become the man you want to be

This episode offers a proven path to breaking free from porn, getting unstuck, and healing your relationship—from the inside out.

Jaksot(210)

How She Can Feel More Comfortable Bringing Her Wall Down

How She Can Feel More Comfortable Bringing Her Wall Down

It can be very difficult for a woman to bring her wall down and decide to trust her husband again after there’s been damage due to a pornography addiction or infidelity. One of the scariest things for her is the possibility of getting hurt again by her husband if he relapses, so it’s easy to keep the guard up. The problem is that the more protected she is behind the wall, progress in the relationship can be negatively impacted.  In this episode, I talk about ways to more comfortably bring the wall down, and how to navigate the fear of getting hurt again. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

1 Joulu 202224min

When Conversations Break Down Because She Doesn’t Believe Him

When Conversations Break Down Because She Doesn’t Believe Him

When there’s a lack of trust in the relationship due to a pornography addiction, it can be hard for a wife to believe what her husband is saying. So often, there is an impasse in the conversations they have where she feels stuck and he’s not able to move forward because she doesn’t believe him. In this episode I share with you a framework they can help you navigate those tough conversations and difficult moments in order to move forward together and better understand each other. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

19 Marras 202226min

Key Advice For Breaking Free From Self Criticism and Judgement

Key Advice For Breaking Free From Self Criticism and Judgement

Most men who are struggling with pornography addiction are really hard on themselves – they see themselves as bad people, unworthy, broken, or failures. The more somebody is self critical, the more it sets them up to fall right back into the addiction as a way to cope from the pain. This episode reveals one of the most powerful tools to help change how you see yourself, and stop the self shaming that, contributes to depression, anxiety, and other painful emotions. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

11 Marras 202222min

What Does a Neuroscientist Report about Pornography and the Brain? (No Judgement)

What Does a Neuroscientist Report about Pornography and the Brain? (No Judgement)

Does pornography affect the brain neurochemistry? They are finally starting to come out with studies and do research on the impact of pornography has on the brain, and their findings are so important so people can better understand the effects it has.  Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist and professor at Stanford, shared some important findings in some recent interviews, and in this episode of the podcast, I share with you, some of the takeaways, and how you can apply the latest neuroscience to help you overcome addiction and heal your relationship.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

20 Loka 202230min

Would He Have Ever Changed If He Didn’t Get Caught?

Would He Have Ever Changed If He Didn’t Get Caught?

So often a wife will wonder if her husband would have ever changed and stopped watching pornography if she didn’t catch him. Most of the time the husband starts taking real action after he’s found out, which can be frustrating and hurtful for a wife. In this episode, I answer the question about whether or not, he would have changed and give you some tools to know how to approach the situation in a way that he actually can change so that you can avoid repeated disclosures and discoveries about the same pattern.   For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

13 Loka 202225min

Tools to Handle It When Triggers to Act Out Won’t Leave

Tools to Handle It When Triggers to Act Out Won’t Leave

Triggers and urges for pornography can be completely overwhelming for husbands who are on this journey. There is often a real struggle when the thought to act out surfaces, despite their desire to avoid temptation and relapse.  It’s almost like something outside of them is trying to pull them back into old patterns, and one of the main tools that husbands often use to overcome these triggers, and Temptations is just by trying to willpower their way through, but ultimately will power is a muscle that fatigues and they end up returning to the addiction, despite the best efforts in avoiding it. In this episode, I will share with you too specific tools that you can use in moments of temptation when you get triggered to avoid falling and to ultimately help resolve the reason why it’s happening in the first place.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

6 Loka 202220min

When He Can’t Answer Her Question ‘Why Did You Do This?’

When He Can’t Answer Her Question ‘Why Did You Do This?’

When there has been betrayal due to a pornography addiction, a woman will often ask her husband why he did, how he could have hurt her like that, why didn’t he consider her or the family, etc. There’s one main reason why oftentimes these discussions lead to frustration, defensiveness, and disconnection, and without addressing it the conversations will continue to go nowhere and leave you feeling hopeless and loss. In this episode I discuss how to navigate that conversation in a way that brings closure and understanding so that you can move forward feeling better about the situation and confident that things can be different.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

29 Syys 202220min

She Said He Knew Pornography Hurts Her But Did It Anyways

She Said He Knew Pornography Hurts Her But Did It Anyways

So often a wife will have a conversation with her husband about how much pain his watching pornography causes her. he said is that he will stop the behavior, but then months or years later it’s discovered that he never stopped after all.  She feels hurt and betrayed because she explained how much she is affected by it, yet he continued to watch it despite the conversation. In this episode I talk about how to navigate that situation and how to work through the pain and find healing so that he ultimately can stop the behavior in a sustainable way.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

22 Syys 202227min

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