215 Nurturing Established Relationship Energy

When you've been together for years, it's easy to let your relationship run on autopilot. But what happens when you need to reconnect, especially after a difficult period? In this episode, we share our personal journey of creating an intentional retreat to nurture our established relationship after 18 months of significant changes and challenges.

We believe that established relationships deserve just as much intentional care as new ones—maybe even more so! The routines and patterns that develop over time can either support your connection or slowly erode it. By creating a specific container for reconnection, we discovered a renewed sense of love and appreciation for each other that surprised even us.

We’re breaking down:

— How we created a 5-day retreat to nurture our established relationship energy

— The power of using a Minimum Viable Agreement (MVA) to create clear expectations and boundaries for our time together

— Why choosing a familiar environment reduced the need for resilience and allowed us to focus on each other

— The importance of regular check-ins to stay connected without falling into hypervigilance

— How practicing differentiation (recognizing where you end and your partner begins) creates space for authentic connection

— The value of having a "parking lot" for relationship issues that need discussion but can wait

— Using regulation tools when things get emotionally challenging, especially around intimacy

— Why explicit communication is crucial for preventing resentment from unmet implicit expectations

— How repair tools like our soft safe word "marshmallow" and the apology and accountability ladder helped us navigate difficult moments

— The necessity of preparation when creating intentional relationship experiences

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— NSI (Neuro Somatic Intelligence) techniques

— The Apology and Accountability Ladder and other repair techniques

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions