231. Secret Signals: Why We Rarely Say Exactly What We Mean

231. Secret Signals: Why We Rarely Say Exactly What We Mean

Why what isn’t said can communicate more than what is spoken.


We often speak in hints and half-truths, not because we can’t be direct, but because subtlety protects our relationships. “An awful lot of the time, we don’t just blurt out what we mean,” says Steven Pinker. “We hint, we wink, we beat around the bush — counting on our listener to read between the lines, connect the dots, catch our drift.”
Pinker is the Johnstone Professor of Psychology at Harvard University, a celebrated linguist and cognitive scientist, and the author of twelve influential books. His latest, When Everyone Knows That Everyone Knows: Common Knowledge and the Mysteries of Money, Power, and Everyday Life, explores how our shared understanding of awareness — what Steven refers to as common knowledge — and the way we signal it, governs everything from friendships to authority to negotiations. “Common knowledge is what ratifies or annuls social relationships, and that's why blurting something out that contradicts the assumptions of the relationship can blow everything up and be deeply awkward.”
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Pinker joins host Matt Abrahams to discuss why humans lean on innuendo, euphemism, and strategic ambiguity. They examine how culture and context shape what we hear, why our social fabric depends on more than just literal meaning, and offer practical ways to refine our communication by paying attention not just to what we say, but to what others know we know.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.

Episode Reference Links:


Connect:


Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (02:22) - Why We Speak Indirectly
  • (06:38) - The Role of Context
  • (10:34) - Cross-Cultural Perspectives
  • (11:50) - Hypocrisy as Social Glue
  • (13:42) - Clarity, Conciseness, & Grace
  • (17:06) - Metaphors We Live By
  • (19:34) - The Final Three Questions
  • (23:30) - Conclusion

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53. Step Up and Stand Out: How to Create the Right Environment for Communication

53. Step Up and Stand Out: How to Create the Right Environment for Communication

“You’re not going to hit the mark with everybody, but you still need to be mindful of everybody,” says Jonathan Levav, the King Philanthropies Professor of Marketing. “That’s critical to create an environment where communication is effective.”In this episode, Levav sits down with podcast host Matt Abrahams to talk about the science behind decision fatigue, how to lead effectively while working from home, and how to create the right company culture both in the office and online. The right communication, Levav says, fosters an environment for creativity, innovation, and collaboration. “How can you encourage those serendipitous conversations that tend to happen in person?”Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

1 Maalis 202223min

52. Communicating Our Mistakes: How to Avoid Common Flaws and Make Better Decisions

52. Communicating Our Mistakes: How to Avoid Common Flaws and Make Better Decisions

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, host Matt Abrahams sits down with finance professors Jonathan Berk and Jules van Binsbergen to talk about their new podcast, All Else Equal.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

16 Helmi 202223min

51. We Asked, You Answered: Celebrating our 50th Episode with your Anxiety Management Plans

51. We Asked, You Answered: Celebrating our 50th Episode with your Anxiety Management Plans

In this 50th episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, host Matt Abrahams and executive producer Jenny Luna share the winners' plans from our Confident Communicator Challenge and offer new, research-backed techniques for managing nervousness both before and during your communication. Thank you to many, many listeners from all over the world who sent in their anxiety management plans. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

10 Helmi 202213min

50. Telling Good Stories: How to Use the Elements of Narrative to Keep Listeners Engaged

50. Telling Good Stories: How to Use the Elements of Narrative to Keep Listeners Engaged

“Make them want to turn the page,” says Paula Moya, a professor at Stanford University and author of The Social Imperative: Race, Close Reading, and Contemporary Literary Criticism. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Moya sits down with strategic communication lecturer Matt Abrahams to share how the elements of story can be used in other types of communication. Create compelling situations, full of sense and surprise, she says. Create characters we can empathize with; speak your written sentences aloud, and, Moya advises, think of the images your words may conjure up and how they may be interpreted by different audiences. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

2 Helmi 202221min

49. Make Numbers Count: How to Communicate Data Effectively

49. Make Numbers Count: How to Communicate Data Effectively

“We have to make data emotional because emotions are what drive us to act,” says Chip Heath, a professor of organizational behavior and author of the new book, Making Numbers Count: The Art of Science of Communicating Numbers. In this interview with host Matt Abrahams, Heath talks about ways that data and statistics can be used to illuminate — or obscure — our message. “A lot of people in the world don’t understand numbers like the numbers people,” he says. “And there are a lot of untranslated numbers that float around in organizations and in society.” Heath suggests thinking about numbers like a foreign language we need to “translate” for our audience: “If we don’t translate numbers into something that’s more tangible, we’re going to sacrifice in a big way.“ Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

18 Tammi 202220min

48. Speaking Up Without Freaking Out: How to Tackle Communication Anxiety

48. Speaking Up Without Freaking Out: How to Tackle Communication Anxiety

“Eighty five percent of people report being nervous about speaking in public, and I believe the other 15% are lying,” says Matt Abrahams, lecturer in Strategic Communication and podcast host. “What is it about speaking in front of others that makes most of us nervous? Well, those of us who study this ubiquitous fear believe it is part of our human condition.” In this special episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Matt Abrahams returns to one of the podcast's main goals: helping people become more confident communicators. Listen to interviews with Stanford University professors who research stress as they share insights into why these feelings affect our communication, and how to overcome them. To find more resources on public speaking anxiety, visit stanford.io/AMP.  Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

5 Tammi 202225min

47. Quick Thinks: How to Use Storytelling to Be a Better Founder

47. Quick Thinks: How to Use Storytelling to Be a Better Founder

“Great founders are great storytellers,” says Stanford Graduate School of Business professor Stephanos Zenios in this “Quick Thinks” episode. Zenios is the director of the Center for Entrepreneurial Studies and heads Startup Garage, a project-based course where teams design and test business concepts that address real-world problems. “Founders have to tell a story to their customer so that they can inspire them to test and use their new product. They have to tell a story to their employees to inspire them to take some risk. And then, they have to tell a story to investors and their board.” Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

14 Joulu 20218min

46. Stay Creative: How to Keep Your Ideas Fresh and Practical

46. Stay Creative: How to Keep Your Ideas Fresh and Practical

“To be creative, ideas must be both novel and useful. That’s the definition that we use in creativity research,” says Justin Berg, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at Stanford Graduate School of Business. But, he warns: “Novel ideas are often not very useful and useful ideas are often not very novel.”In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Berg sits down with lecturer and podcast host Matt Abrahams to share lessons from his work on creativity, which has included conducting experiments with both movie directors and circus performers. “The takeaway is that we should never stop being a creator. As managers and executives climb up the organizational ladder, they may benefit from staying involved in the creative R&D side of things, rather than just spend time having ideas pitched to them.” Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

3 Joulu 202122min

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