The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast16 Syys 2020

Episode 87: "Am I the Abuser?" with Rhian Lockard

A huge realization for many women going through divorce is around the emotional abuse they've suffered in their marriage. In my program, we have an entire module dedicated to uncovering and understanding this, part of which is hosted by my guest today, Rhian Lockard.

Invariably, as women dive more deeply into the work of uncovering emotional abuse, they are struck with the question, "Wait, am I the abuser?"

This week, my friend and colleague Rhian Lockard returns to the podcast to help answer that very question. (Spoiler: if you're asking the question, you're not the abuser.)

Rhian is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others. In this episode, Rhian helps us to understand the difference between being the abuser and being someone backed into a corner trying to save themselves from a very real threat.

Show Highlights

If you are asking the question, "Am I the abuser?", you're not the abuser. (3:56)
Someone who is emotionally abusive is seeking control from a relationship and not love or connection. (5:55)
The fatal trait of a narcissist is that they want love but refuse to do the self-work. (16:02)
Because you are not the abuser does not mean you don't have toxic qualities. (18:03)
How and why we start to behave in alignment with how our relationship is set up. (31:43)
How do you get out of a toxic relationship? (35:39)
Why you should go to therapy yourself, first. (41:48)
How women can take back their innate sense of knowing. (48:14)

Learn More About Rhian Lockhard:

Rhian Lockard is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others.

Resources & Links:
Rhian's websites: Rhianlockard.com and Moonstonewitchery.com

Rhian on Facebook

Rhian's previous appearance on The Divorce Survival Guide

Rhian's YouTube Video - Am I the Abuser?

Look for Rhian's podcast - What Is Love? - on your favorite podcast streaming app!

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Episode 388: It's Not About the Alcohol: Emotional Sobriety and Divorce with Colleen Freeland

Today we're talking about drinking, emotional sobriety, and what both have to do with navigating divorce. I've shared my own sobriety journey on the show before, including how heavily I relied on alco...

15 Loka 43min

Episode 387: Kate On: The Cornell Case, Male Violence, and the Limits of Empathy

Content warning: This episode covers the Cornell 7 case and includes discussion of sexual assault, drugging, and how survivors are failed by the systems meant to protect them. "The conversation we sh...

8 Loka 37min

Episode 386: The Divorce Paperwork You Can't Afford to Forget with Marni Blank

Today we're having a conversation that so many of us need to have but don't want to have, and that's end-of-life planning in the middle of a divorce. Divorce already comes with so many choices, and mo...

1 Loka 37min

Episode 385: Kate On: Why You Miss Him After You Leave

"Why am I suddenly missing the person I worked so hard to leave?" A woman wrote to me recently with this question, and I know this is not an uncommon thing to feel. Many women know without a doubt the...

24 Syys 38min

Episode 384: End Emotional Outsourcing with Beatriz Victoria Albina, NP

There was a stretch of my life where I could not be alone. Not because I loved being social so much, but because without someone else in the room, I did not know who I was. No plans for the night mean...

17 Syys 49min

Encore Episode: When You Give Up the Authentic Fight

This week's episode is an encore episode. I'm away at my Unbreakable Retreat, so I'm revisiting one that felt right to bring back. I asked a friend who is going through a divorce what I should talk ab...

10 Syys 23min

Episode 383: Medical Decision-Making in High-Conflict Co-Parenting with Dr. Madeleine Gagnon

After divorce, medical decisions don't stop. Kids still need vaccines, dental appointments, medications, evaluations, therapy, all of it. In high-conflict or parallel parenting, even basic healthcare ...

2 Syys 51min

[Encore Episode] Your Divorce Roadmap: The Stages and Phases of Divorce

Encore Episode!! After over a decade of working with thousands of women, I've become really good at mapping out the entire divorce process and pinpointing where on that map someone might land. I've be...

27 Elo 35min