On Attachment14 Loka 2025

#210: Can You Heal in a Relationship That Constantly Triggers You?

So often, we’re drawn to the work of healing our relational wounds because of challenges in our relationship. A partner’s behaviour, or the dynamic between us, shines a light on our pain points and shows us where our work might be. But this can raise a difficult question: if we’re still being triggered or activated within that very relationship, is healing actually possible?

In this episode, I explore the nuance of this dilemma. We’ll cover:

Why triggers aren’t necessarily a bad thing — and how they can point us toward the deeper wounds that need healing.
The difference between growth edges that stretch us and dynamics that keep us constantly dysregulated.
Signs you can do the work of healing within a relationship, and when the relationship itself may be keeping you stuck.
How to find the middle ground: using relational challenges as invitations into greater self-awareness, without normalising constant pain or struggle.

Relationships will always bring moments of discomfort — that’s the nature of intimacy and vulnerability. But there’s an important distinction between the kind of challenge that supports healing, and the kind that prevents it. This episode will help you reflect on where your relationship sits, and what you need in order to move forward in your healing journey.

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#195: Two Simple Principles for a Healthy Nervous System

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#194: When You Don’t Feel Like a Priority in Your Relationship

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#193: The Gifts of Anxious Attachment

While it’s easy to focus on the struggles of anxious attachment — overthinking, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment — there are also real gifts that often go hand-in-hand with these attachment patter...

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