42: What's Yours to Fix? Navigating Empathy and Boundaries

Just Because I Can Doesn't Mean I Should

Over the past week, I've been connecting with lots of different people — friends, family, clients, leaders. It's truly lovely to share our lives, our successes, our joys, and even our struggles.

Something I noticed, though … when someone I care about is going through a hard time, I often find myself wanting to jump in and fix things. I really don't like to see people struggle, especially those close to me who I care about.

But I've realized that the further removed someone is from our lives, the less their issues actually impact us. And this is normal — our brains are wired for connection, and we're supposed to care when people we love are experiencing challenges.

While I used to feel a strong responsibility to help, this usually led to my own feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. As women, we're usually socialized to be the problem solvers and caregivers. But constantly taking on others' problems can be exhausting!

Not only that, but giving unsolicited advice when trying to "fix things" can feel like criticism to the recipient and lead to resentment on both ends. (I know how I feel on the receiving end of unsolicited advice!)

Here's the thing, though — sometimes, focusing on others' issues can be a distraction from facing our own.

In today's episode, I'm sharing my new practice, even after almost 20 years as a psychologist. This is an important one!

Key Takeaways:

• It's normal to want to help people we care about, and it's just as important to recognize our own emotional responses to their struggles.

• Consider who modeled caregiving and problem-solving in your own life.

• Holding space for others involves managing our own emotions while actively listening and understanding what the other person truly needs.

• Knowing our capacity and setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding burnout and overwhelm.

• Just because you can help, doesn't mean you should. Before you offer support, ask yourself (or the person you want to help) if it's in everyone's best interest.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to The Overwhelm Cure

01:28 Understanding Empathy and Responsibility

06:42 The Problem with Unsolicited Advice

10:00 How to Hold Space

15:17 Balancing Personal Boundaries When Helping Others

18:57 Facing Our Own Issues

24:00 The Serenity Prayer and Final Thoughts

27:38 Overwhelm Cure Program Invitation

Invitation: Sign up for The Overwhelm Cure Program

The Overwhelm Cure Program is a six week program, where you'll participate in regular exercises, and we'll come together each week to discuss ways to help you finally overcome feelings of overwhelm.

Link to sign up now - https://www.kimberlyknull.com/overwhelm-cure-program

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