Are Your Desires Really Yours? How to Recognize and Reclaim What You Truly Want with Luke Burgis

Are Your Desires Really Yours? How to Recognize and Reclaim What You Truly Want with Luke Burgis

In this episode, Luke Burgis explores the question, “Are your desires really yours?” and how to recognize and reclaim what you truly want. He discusses how to tell the difference between “thin desires (fleeting, imitated wants) and “thick desires” (the deeper longings that bring lasting fulfillment), and why discerning between the two can change the direction of your life. Luke also shares practices for uncovering your true hierarchy of values, creating alignment between what you want and who you want to be. Explore how to pivot from “I don’t want to” to “I do want to, I just dono’t feel like it” and how to feed the desires that lead to meaning instead of comparison or regret.

Exciting News!!!

Coming in March, 2026, my new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life is now available for pre-orders!

Key Takeaways:

  • Exploration of the concept of mimetic desire and its origins in the work of René Girard.
  • Discussion on how desires are often imitative and influenced by others rather than being inherently personal.
  • The importance of discerning between beneficial and harmful desires in one’s life.
  • The parable of the two wolves as a metaphor for the internal conflict between positive and negative desires.
  • Differentiation between “thin desires” (fleeting and influenced by external factors) and “thick desires” (deeply rooted in personal values and identity).
  • The role of self-reflection and narrative in understanding one’s desires and motivations.
  • The significance of establishing a hierarchy of values to guide decision-making and desire cultivation.
  • The impact of social interactions on shaping desires and the responsibility individuals have in influencing others.
  • The concept of “stalking your greatest desire” as a means to align personal desires with one’s life mission.
  • The importance of having a trusted partner for exploring and communicating desires, emphasizing the value of attentive listening.


For full show notes, click here!

Connect with the show:


If you enjoyed this conversation with Luke Burgis, check out these other episodes:

How to Find Zest in Life with Dr. John Kaag

Finding Zen in the Ordinary with Christopher Keevil

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The Hidden Relationship Trap: How Negative Narratives Sabotage Love with Jillian Turecki

The Hidden Relationship Trap: How Negative Narratives Sabotage Love with Jillian Turecki

In this episode, Jillian Turecki delves into relationships, the hidden relationship trap, and how negative narratives sabotage love. Jillian emphasizes the internal battle we face between positive and negative thoughts, likening our minds to battlefields. She highlights the importance of not believing every thought that crosses our minds and instead tuning into our hearts and instincts for a more fulfilling life. Key Takeaways: [00:05:20] Relationship dynamics and interpretations. [00:12:17] Relationship resistance and patterns. [00:15:14] Responsibility in toxic relationships. [00:18:04] Taking responsibility for love life. [00:22:14] Relationship patterns and personal growth. [00:29:01] Accountability in relationships. [00:30:27] Truth as medicine in relationships. [00:39:08] Making peace with unhealthy habits. [00:44:26] Relationship accountability and needs. [00:50:22] Importance of genuine appreciation. [00:52:56] Relationship positivity ratio. [00:57:12] Emotional patterns in relationships. [01:04:38] Fear driving relationship behaviors. [01:05:58] Effective communication strategies. [01:10:56] Positive intent in relationships. [01:16:36] Healing from heartbreak. For full show notes, click here! If you enjoyed this conversation, check out these other episodes: How to Make Great Relationships with Dr. Rick Hanson Dr. Sue Johnson on Navigating Romantic Relationships Cindy Stulberg on Relationships Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

14 Helmi 1h 4min

Languishing vs. Flourishing: How to Feel Alive Again with Corey Keyes

Languishing vs. Flourishing: How to Feel Alive Again with Corey Keyes

In this episode, Corey Keyes explores the concept of languishing vs. flourishing and how to feel alive again He delves into the often-overlooked emotional state that exists between mental illness and thriving and discusses how many of us can feel worn down by life and stuck in a gray zone of stagnation. Corey shares his insights on the importance of mindset and how changing the way we think about our daily tasks can lead us to a more fulfilling life. The discussion touches on the critical aspects of purpose, connection, and vitality, offering listeners strategies to move from languishing to flourishing. Key Takeaways: 00:05:29 – The Role of Positive Psychology and Mental Health 00:06:46 – Corey’s Background and the Successful Aging Research Network 00:08:08 – The Purpose of Positive Psychology and Addressing Languishing 00:09:25 – Flourishing Despite Mental Health Conditions 00:10:08 – The Relationship Between Flourishing and Mental Illness 00:12:49 – The Challenge of Defining Recovery in Addiction and Mental Health 00:14:02 – The Lack of Peer Support Groups for Depression 00:15:05 – The Role of Experts in Mental Health 00:16:15 – The Difference Between Sharing with Experts and Peer Support 00:17:07 – The Importance of Having a Clear Program in Support Groups 00:18:04 – The Need for a New Approach to Mental Health Support Programs 00:19:01 – Defining Languishing and Its Distinction from Depression 00:20:36 – The Overlap Between Languishing and Depression 00:22:29 – The Impact of Languishing on Mental Health 00:23:39 – Personal Reflections on Eliminating Suffering and Seeking Joy 00:25:04 – The Challenge of Recalibrating After Addiction 00:25:58 – The Importance of Functioning Well 00:28:05 – The Nuances of Feeling Good vs. Functioning Well 00:30:09 – The Difference Between Satisfaction and Momentary Feelings 00:31:04 – The Role of Storytelling in Perceived Well-Being 00:32:49 – The Importance of Meaning and Values Over Mood 00:33:59 – Allowing Self-Assessment in Measuring Well-Being 00:35:53 – The Criteria for Flourishing and Languishing 00:37:08 – Encouraging Reflection and Integration for Listeners 00:38:18 – The Importance of Functioning Well in Achieving Flourishing 00:40:28 – The Difficulty of Achieving Social Well-Being 00:41:10 – The Five Vitamins of Flourishing 00:42:01 – Integrating Flourishing Activities into Daily Life 00:45:05 – The Importance of Mindset in Achieving Flourishing 00:47:09 – Research on Mindsets and Practical Applications For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

11 Helmi 1h

How to Shift Your Emotions: Moving from Chaos to Clarity with Ethan Kross

How to Shift Your Emotions: Moving from Chaos to Clarity with Ethan Kross

In this episode, Dr. Ethan Kross discusses how to shift your emotions and move from chaos to clarity. Ethan delves into the complexities of emotions, challenging traditional views that label them as obstacles to overcome. Instead, he presents a fresh perspective, suggesting that emotions can be valuable tools when understood and managed effectively. This conversation explores how our thoughts often skew towards negativity and how conscious effort is required to cultivate a fulfilling life. Key Takeaways: 00:02:30 – Introduction to Dr. Ethan Kross and His Work 00:03:30 – The Parable of the Two Wolves 00:05:22 – Emotions as Valuable Companions 00:06:07 – The Complexity of Emotions 00:07:51 – No One-Size-Fits-All Solutions 00:10:21 – The Metaphor of Physical Fitness 00:12:25 – Variability in Emotional Tools 00:13:34 – The Complexity of Human Emotions 00:16:35 – The Control of Emotions 00:18:43 – The Serenity Prayer and Emotional Control 00:27:00 – The Role of Self-Experimentation 00:30:34 – Tools for Shifting Emotions 00:31:00 – Attention as a Tool 00:34:28 – The Role of Avoidance and Approach 00:38:12 – Perspective Shifting 00:44:11 – Shifting Your Environment 00:48:07 – Using Environmental Cues for Emotional Regulation For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

7 Helmi 1h 1min

How to Break the People-Pleasing Cycle and Set Healthy Boundaries with Terri Cole

How to Break the People-Pleasing Cycle and Set Healthy Boundaries with Terri Cole

In this episode, Terri Cole discusses how to break the people-pleasing cycle and set healthy boundaries. She explores the fine line between kindness and people- pleasing and how sometimes, what feels like generosity might actually be an attempt to control someone else’s reaction or avoid conflict altogether. Terri also explains why so many of us fall into this “peace at any cost” mentality and the toll it takes on us. She offers powerful tools to help us break free from that compulsion and get clear on what we’re really responsible for, and how to show up authentically in our relationships. Key Takeaways: 00:03:03 – Tending to the Shadow Side 00:04:12 – Finding Balance: Reacting vs. Responding 00:06:06 – The Resentment Inventory 00:10:04 – Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings 00:11:14 – Understanding Activation and Transference 00:15:43 – The Impact of Past Relationships 00:19:01 – Defining High Functioning Codependency 00:20:15 – Characteristics of High Functioning Codependents 00:26:38 – The Importance of Mindful Habit Changes 00:27:32 – Distinguishing Kindness from Codependency 00:29:04 – Questions to Differentiate Responsibility 00:34:48 – The Role of Boundaries in Relationships 00:37:01 – The Challenge of Letting Go 00:40:28 – The Power of Asking the Right Questions 00:43:41 – Conclusion: The Balance of Giving and Receiving For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

4 Helmi 59min

Unlocking Everyday Awesome: How to Find Joy in the Ordinary with Neil Pasricha

Unlocking Everyday Awesome: How to Find Joy in the Ordinary with Neil Pasricha

In this episode, Neil Pasricha explores the idea of unlocking every day awesome and how to find joy in the ordinary. Neil delves into the challenges of living in a mindset focused on problem-solving and the importance of recognizing the small joys in life. Neil emphasizes how appreciating simple pleasures—such as the sound of birds, the taste of coffee, or the feel of warm laundry—can help us break free from the cycle of constant task management. He shares practical tools for reclaiming our attention from distractions and encourages listeners to find happiness in the present moment. Key Takeaways: Understanding the importance of self-care in a world filled with distractions Being mindfully aware and finding small joys to learn to appreciate the present moment Engaging in gratitude practices, like writing down specific moments of appreciation, to enhance well-being Embracing the role of new experiences to foster personal growth and learning Learning to shift focus from what we lack to what we have to shift perspective and cultivate a mindset of appreciation For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

31 Tammi 1h 11min

Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money with Elizabeth Husserl

Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money with Elizabeth Husserl

In this episode, Elizabeth Husserl discusses how to find joy in our relationship with money. She explores the roots of scarcity thinking and how it fuels discontent. Elizabeth also shares specific strategies for cultivating a mindset of enough and offers insights into redefining wealth beyond just money.  Key Takeaways: Embracing the power of "Enough" and how this concept can transform your financial mindset Understanding the scarcity mindset and how to shift from scarcity to abundance Discovering the benefits of a satiation journal and the impact of gratitude through this practice Building a healthy relationship with money Uncover the keys to fostering a positive and sustainable connection with money for a more fulfilling life Exploring the interconnected nature of human needs and how fulfilling them can lead to greater satisfaction and financial fulfillment For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

28 Tammi 1h

The Power of Dignity and Building an Inclusive World with Tim Shriver

The Power of Dignity and Building an Inclusive World with Tim Shriver

In this episode, Tim Shriver discusses the power of dignity and building an inclusive world. Tim shares his experiences working with the Special Olympics, highlighting how the athletes embody resilience and hope, often thriving in the face of adversity. He also delves into the significance of inclusivity and how it can transform our communities, encouraging us to see the inherent dignity in every individual, regardless of their abilities or circumstances. Key Takeaways: Explore the benefits of building inclusive communities for a happier and more connected society Embrace the impact of intellectual disabilities on families and gain a deeper understanding of their experiences Navigate mental health and addiction recovery with valuable insights and support for a more empathetic approach Learn effective strategies for fostering dignity and respect, creating a more inclusive and supportive environment for all Understand the crucial role of relationships in personal happiness and well-being, and how to nurture them within your community For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

24 Tammi 56min

How to Thrive All Winter: Mindset Shifts for Beating the Cold and Dark with Kari Leibowitz

How to Thrive All Winter: Mindset Shifts for Beating the Cold and Dark with Kari Leibowitz

In this episode, Kari Leibowitz discusses how to thrive all winter with mindset shifts for beating the cold and dark. She shares her journey from being a winter hater to embracing the beauty of the season while living in Tromsø, Norway, a place known for its extreme winter conditions. Kari delves into the importance of attention and expectation in shaping our experiences, particularly in winter and emphasizes that our mindset can significantly influence how we perceive and interact with the world around us. Discover how we can shift our focus from the challenges of winter to embracing the beauty and unique joys of winter! Are you ready to create lasting change through small, intentional steps? The Wise Habits program combines behavioral science with timeless wisdom to help you build habits that bring clarity, calm, and resilience to your daily life. Over 6 transformative weeks, you’ll learn practical strategies to create a sustainable spiritual practice, better manage your emotions, and live in alignment with your values—all while staying grounded in the chaos of everyday life. Enrollment is open through January 25th, so don’t miss this opportunity to start your journey. Little by little, a little becomes a lot. Learn more and enroll here. Key Takeaways: Embracing winter challenges and mindset Insights from research conducted in Tromsø, Norway, regarding winter depression The role of expectations in shaping experiences of winter The concept of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and its complexities The importance of adaptation to seasonal changes. The interplay between comfort and challenge during winter The significance of social gatherings and their adaptation in winter The idea of “clearing the way” for beneficial mindsets and supportive conditions The relationship between mindset, reality, and individual perception For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

21 Tammi 58min

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