228 “I Only Get the Hard Parts”: Living with Asymmetry in Polyamory and Life

Ever feel like your journey into non-monogamy is all about hard work? You're not alone. Many people reach a point where they wonder if all the emotional regulation, self-reflection, and relationship meetings are worth it. This feeling is incredibly common, whether you initiated opening your relationship or not.

We've both been there. The reality is that unpacking our assumptions about relationships takes significant emotional energy, especially when regular life continues demanding our attention. But there’s so much you can do to make peace with these feelings. This episode will help you to re-ground into your reasons for being poly, and find practical tips for re-energizing and recovering from overwhelm.

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why it's normal to feel overwhelmed by the constant self-work required in non-monogamous relationships

— The importance of connecting to your "poly why"—your personal values and reasons for choosing this path

— How entitlement can secretly undermine our experiences when things feel asymmetric or unfair

— Why community support is crucial when navigating difficult emotions (and what to do if you don't have access to community)

— The value of self-expression through writing, art, or other creative outlets when processing challenging feelings

— How to recognize when you're falling into the "martyr" or "hero" archetype in your relationships

— The difference between dating for genuine connection versus dating to "balance the scales" when your partner is having more fun than you

— Why celebrating your milestones and growth—even the seemingly small ones—is essential for sustainability

— The importance of acknowledging that asymmetry is normal in relationships, and "balance" may not be the right goal

— How to reconnect with pride in your journey of unpacking the ownership model of relationships

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Our PWF episode about finding compatible partners

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions