Touring History 5-3-25

🎙️ TOURING HISTORY – May 3 Edition
As told by Lane & Dave

LANE (with incredulity):
It's May 3rd—a date that, like most of history, will make you say: "Oh, that's fascinating!" followed quickly by, "Wait, that's real?!"

DAVE (dry):
A day with Machiavelli, Bing Crosby, student riots, legal victories, and the reason we have an entire aisle of plastic potatoes at Target.

🎉 Birthday Roll Call

LANE:
Let's start with the birthdays.
Niccolò Machiavelli—the father of political scheming. If you've ever said "It's not personal, it's just business," congratulations, you're a little bit Machiavellian and a candidate for any White House administration.

DAVE:
Bing Crosby, born 1903—the only person to sell millions of records by singing about snow while Living in southern california where there is none.

LANE:
And James Brown—the Godfather of Soul. The only man who could sweat through a tuxedo and still look cool.

🏛️ 1802: Washington, D.C. is Incorporated

DAVE:
On this day in 1802, Washington, D.C. was incorporated.
And almost immediately, the city's core export became: disappointment.

LANE:
Yes, D.C. was built on a swamp, and it's been capturing career politicians like the La Brea tar pits ever since.

📚 1937: Gone with the Wind Wins Pulitzer Prize

LANE:
1937: Gone with the Wind wins the Pulitzer.
A book that's somehow both beloved and deeply problematic.
It's like if your grandma knitted you a Confederate flag—sentimental, but please, let's never do this again.

🏠 1948: Supreme Court Strikes Down Racial Housing Covenants

DAVE:
In 1948, the Supreme Court ruled against racial housing covenants.
Which was a huge step—finally, Black families could buy homes in previously restricted neighborhoods!
And then, as if on cue, America invented new and exciting forms of housing discrimination.
Because if there's one thing America loves more than a parade, it's moving the goalposts. Can you say redline?

🏙️ 1973: Sears Tower Tops Out in Chicago

DAVE:
The Sears Tower was topped out in 1973, making it the world's tallest building.
Chicagoans celebrated by insisting for the next 50 years that "it's still called Sears, dammit."

LANE:
They could rename it the "Free Pizza for Everyone Tower" and Chicagoans would still say, "Nope. Sears."and if there's one thing Chicago loves it being tall and not called Willis.

🥔 1952: Mr. Potato Head—First Toy TV Ad

LANE:
1952: Mr. Potato Head becomes the first toy ever advertised on television.
Yes, we invented the modern children's commercial by selling kids a box of dismembered plastic faces for a potato.

DAVE:
And let's be honest, if that was invented today, we'd call it "NFT Head" and lose millions in crypto.

📸 2014: Instagram Introduces Native Advertising

DAVE:
2014: Instagram debuts native ads—so you can scroll through fake photos of your friends' vacations and be marketed acne cream at the same time. Machiavelli eat your heart out. Speaking of eating…It's time for a word from our sponsor.

🎙️ [SPONSOR BREAK – Rise Doughnuts]

LANE:
If this all sounds exhausting, don't worry. This episode is brought to you by Rise Doughnuts in Wilton, Connecticut.

DAVE:
Small-batch, hand-crafted, and, unlike "Gone with the Wind," universally beloved.

LANE:
If you're going to eat your feelings, don't be like a french protester and take all day.

DAVE:
Follow @risedoughnut, and don't worry—no one will judge you for ordering the entire menu. Well maybe just the line of 50 people behind you.

✍️ 1915: "In Flanders Fields" Written

DAVE:
1915: "In Flanders Fields" is written, becoming the most quoted poem in remembrance ceremonies and the #1 reason poppies are forever associated with tragic English weather not to mention Glenda the good witch from the Wizard of OZ

🗺️ 2000: Geocaching Begins

LANE:
2000: Geocaching begins—the sport of using expensive satellite technology to find old Tupperware in public parks.

DAVE:
It's like Pokémon Go, but for people who love hiking and frustrating disappointment.

🕵️ 2007: Madeleine McCann Disappears

LANE:
In 2007, Madeleine McCann disappeared, whoever she is god bless her. That's right folks we mention even random European crime scenes. We call them head scratchers! It happened in Portugal, launching a global search, tabloid frenzy, and more conspiracy documentaries than Netflix has "true crime" stories.

📧 1978: First Spam Email

DAVE:
1978: The first spam email is sent.
So, thank you, history, for ensuring that every morning starts with "Congratulations, you've won!" and ends with malware. I'll give our listeners a chance to guess where the term Spam came from and it's not the canned meat!

PLAY CLIP

🔥 2016: Fort McMurray Wildfire Evacuates Entire City

LANE:
And finally, in 2016, the Fort McMurray wildfire forced an entire Canadian city to evacuate—reminding us that even Canada gets tired of being polite and occasionally just burns the whole thing down.

Dave: And the fact the all the Mounties were busy rescuing damsels in distress from railroad tracks.

🎙️ CLOSING LINE

LANE:
So that's May 3rd: cities founded, towers topped, riots that mattered, toys that don't, and more advertising than your dopamine receptors can handle.

DAVE:
We'll be back tomorrow, with another day of history's best, worst, and most accidentally hilarious moments.

LANE:
Until then, stay skeptical…

DAVE:
…stay at least three clicks ahead of the next spam email…

BOTH:
…and stay historical.

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