EP97 - Sexual Fantasies with Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Welcome to episode 143 of the Sexology Podcast! Today it is my pleasure to welcome Dalychia Saah to the podcast. In this episode she speaks to me about allowing yourself to have more pleasure, why we struggle to connect with our bodies and finding your erotic voice.    Dalychia Saah (she/her) is a sexuality educator, professor, writer, and speaker. Through her words and work, Dalychia facilitates space for people to connect deeper with their desires for their body, relationships, life, and our world. She is passionate about people unlearning oppressive norms that are externalized, inter-personalized, and internalized that keep us from moving towards a more liberated way of being. Dalychia believes that systematic forms of oppression can be overthrown by a reclamation of intra- and interpersonal power.     Dalychia is the co-founder of Afrosexology, a pleasure based sex education platform that creates educational content and workshops to center the pleasure, empowerment, and liberation of Black people.  Afrosexology’s work covers topics such as masturbation, self love, enhancing communication in relationships, radical twerking, racialized sexual oppression, body agency and much more. Through Afrosexology, she has created space for tens of thousands of people of color to reclaim their sexuality and body agency.     Dalychia is a lecturer professor at the Brown School of Social Work at Washington University in St. Louis, where she teaches graduate level courses in social theory, social justice, and sexuality education. She is also a sought after facilitator and keynote speaker for conferences and events related to social justice and/or sexuality.      Her work and words have been featured in HuffPost, Teen Vogue, Allure Magazine, Vibe Magazine, Glamour Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, Playboy Magazine, Broadly, and others. She has received the Phenomenal Woman Award, Spirit of Social Work Award, Rev. Robert Gilbert Advocacy Award, and Academy for Leadership & Civic Engagement Leadership Award.    In this episode, you will hear:     The internal and external oppressive challenges that get in the way of pleasure   A lack pleasure pride in our society   How we seek to create goals and aims out of every aspect of our lives   The detrimental effect of being too goal orientated  Why struggle to connect with our bodies   The power of self-care   Liberation through masturbation   Finding your erotic voice   Learning to overcome our fears of allowing ourselves pleasure         Resources  http://www.afrosexology.com     Bonus Episode, Sex & Anorexia Nervosa: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-anorexia-nervosa-sex/ Bonus Episode, Sex & OCD: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-ocd-and-sex/  Bonus Episode, Sex & Depression: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-depression-sex/     https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://oasis2care.com/contact-nazanin-moali-psychologist/     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

1 Okt 201939min

Welcome to episode 142 of the Sexology Podcast! Today's episode is a solo episode where I discuss fantasizing about others while you're in a relationship, understanding from the fantasy what you want more of in your relationship, the way our sub-conscious plays a role in this issue, and how this is a very common issue for lots of couples.    In this episode, you will hear:     Is it normal to fantasize about someone else while in a relationship?  The importance of communication and dialogue when defining the parameters of your relationship   The stigma attached to non-monogamous relationships   How our sub-conscious plays a role in this issue   Recognizing obsessional thoughts and what to do with them   Being true to your own values   Learning to not judge yourself for having certain thoughts   Removing yourself from situations where you might regret a decision later, e.g. drinking at a social event   Understanding from the fantasy what you want more of in your relationship   The role that guilt and shame plays with this issue   How this is a very common issue for lots of couples         Resources  http://www.sexologypodcast.com/2017/03/07/sexuality-and-vulnerability-lesson-learned-as-a-dominatrix/ https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/not-attracted-to-partner-advice_us_5d716d09e4b0fd4168e7a673?guccounter=1   Bonus Episode, Sex & Anorexia Nervosa: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-anorexia-nervosa-sex/ Bonus Episode, Sex & OCD: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-ocd-and-sex/  Bonus Episode, Sex & Depression: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-depression-sex/     https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://oasis2care.com/contact-nazanin-moali-psychologist/     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

24 Sep 201927min

Welcome to episode 141 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I’m delighted to welcome Tara Galeano, L.P.C., CST to the podcast. In this episode she speaks to me about the challenge's women face in regaining sexuality during and after cancer treatment, incorporating a holistic approach with feminine energy and the first steps women can take to regain their sexuality.    Tara Galeano helps women reimagine their bodies after cancer and rekindle their sexuality. She is a certified sex therapist and teaches the class, Rediscovering My Body after Cancer, to amazing, courageous women who have had cancer. For the past five years, she has taught this class at Boulder Community Health.     Currently, she is creating an online course based on this class to make the content more accessible to women everywhere. Tara is also inspired by her studies of Ayurveda, Sanskrit, and being a grandmother. She is currently writing a book based on the Rediscovering My Body class, so she may share widely with all those that are seeking sexual renewal after cancer.    In this episode, you will hear:     The challenges in regaining sexuality during and after cancer treatment   What is a dilator?   How dilator’s can be used as a wonderful tool   Overcoming breast cancer surgery and the feeling of loss  Incorporating a holistic approach and feminine energy   How do these issues vary between during and after treatment?   The effect this issue has on partners   Steps women can take if they experience low desire but want to remain sexual   Understanding that it’s an ebb and flow issue that will change over time   The feelings of guilt that can arise from not being sexual with your partner  The first steps women can take to regaining their sexuality         Resources  https://bouldersextherapy.com   Tara@BoulderSexTherapy.com    Bonus Episode, Sex & OCD: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-ocd-and-sex/  Bonus Episode, Sex & Depression: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-depression-sex/     https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://oasis2care.com/contact-nazanin-moali-psychologist/     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

17 Sep 201937min

Welcome to episode 140 (a) of the Sexology Podcast! Today I’m pleased to welcome Susan Bratton to the podcast. In this episode she speaks to me about sex toys, why couples are using them, how they can add sex appeal and changing the sexual dynamic of a relationship with a sex toy.     Susan Bratton is a champion and advocate for all who desire passionate relationships.     Considered the “Dear Abby of Sex,” Susan’s fresh approach and original ideas have helped millions of people of all ages and across the gender spectrum transform sex into passion.     Married to her husband Tim since 1993, Susan is an author, award-winning speaker, and serial entrepreneur who teaches passionate lovemaking techniques to her fans around the world. Susan has been featured in The New York Times and on CNBC and the TODAY show as well as appearing on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and on NBC as the “Marriage Magician.”      Millions of couples and singles have been touched by her TV appearances and Better Lover YouTube channel. Through her Insider’s Club newsletter at Personal Life Media.com, Susan gives away, free of charge, countless MP3 audios, videos, articles, and ebooks.          In this episode, you will hear:     The reasons why couples are using sex toys   Helping to bridge the orgasm gap   Taking a look at certain sex toys such as cock rings   What to look for in a sex toy when purchasing one   Can sex toys change the dynamic of a couple's sex life?  Understanding the clitoral erection   Making the most of a clitoral erection   How sex toys can add sex appeal   Knowing the best times to approach using a sex toy with your partner     Resources  Personal Life Media   Instagram@SusanBratton My YouTube 'Better Lover’ Channel     Bonus Episode, Sex & OCD: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-ocd-and-sex/  Bonus Episode, Sex & Depression: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-depression-sex/     https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://oasis2care.com/contact-nazanin-moali-psychologist/     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

13 Sep 201944min

Welcome to episode 140 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I’m delighted to welcome Stefani Goerlich to the podcast. In this episode she speaks to me about working with non-traditional couples, the sexual challenges they face and understanding what it means to be kink aware.     Stefani holds a Masters in Social Work from Wayne State University, where she specialized in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She has over fifteen years' experience in working with poly/kinky individuals, swingers, commercial sex workers, and child and adult survivors of sexual trauma including human trafficking. Stefani has served as a guest lecturer on minority sexual communities at Northwestern University and is a frequent conference presenter on topics related to Kink Aware Practice and consent. An award winning author, she currently working on her second book entitled The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients.    In this episode, you will hear:     The non-traditional relationship Stefani sees in her practice   The stigma non—traditional relationships face when forming romantic relationships  Working with sex workers   Sexual challenges non-traditional couples face   Working around jealousy   The importance of negotiation and communication   What does it mean to be kink aware?  Things that get in the way of therapists working with people from the lense of kink awareness?  How 2-5% of the population need a form of kink to be sexually stimulated   Misconceptions around working with non-traditional couples         Resources  http://www.boundtogethercounseling.com     Bonus Episode, Anorexia Nervosa & Sex: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-anorexia-nervosa-sex/ Bonus Episode, Sex & OCD: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-ocd-and-sex/  Bonus Episode, Sex & Depression: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-depression-sex/     https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://oasis2care.com/contact-nazanin-moali-psychologist/     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

10 Sep 201934min

Welcome to episode 139 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I’m delighted to welcome back Dr. Ari Tuckman to the podcast. In this episode he speaks to me about his new book (adultADHDbook), navigating the challenges that couples with ADHD will go through, creating fairness and managing expectations and how an overall good relationship balance will lead to great sex.    Ari Tuckman, PsyD, CST has given more than 350 presentations across America and in nine countries. His fourth book, ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship, was just published and is the first to examine how ADHD impacts a couple’s sexual and relationship satisfaction and how to improve both.     In this episode, you will hear:     Looking at the survey Dri Ari conducted for his new book   Do men with ADHD experience more desire than women?  Navigating the challenges that couples with ADHD will go through   The role medication plays in this issue   Distractions during sex, looking at keeping focused and in the zone   Does having sex make you a better person?  How an overall good relationship balance will lead to great sex  Creating fairness and managing expectations   Looking at the parent / child dynamic   Other findings on how couples managed to make it work in the bedroom   How can a partner help work on someone else’s issue?        Resources  https://adultADHDbook.com   https://tuckmanpsych.com     Bonus Episode, Sex & OCD: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-ocd-and-sex/  Bonus Episode, Sex & Depression: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-depression-sex/     https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://oasis2care.com/contact-nazanin-moali-psychologist/     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

3 Sep 201935min

Welcome to episode 138 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I welcome Michael Vigorito to the podcast. In this episode he speaks to me about out of control sexual behaviour, examining the driving force behind it and understanding the best practices to deal with this issue.    Mr. Vigorito is a sex therapist, author and consultant.  As a psychotherapist, he provides individual, couples and group psychotherapy for a range of sexual and behavioral health concerns. He developed a sexual health assessment and treatment protocol with Douglas Braun-Harvey, which was published in Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior - Rethinking Sex Addiction (2016) (SSTAR 2018 Health Professional Book Award Winner).      As a sexual health consultant for Behavioral Health Systems Baltimore and University of Maryland - Prevention Research Center, Mr. Vigorito designed and implemented capacity-building initiatives to integrate sexual health into mental health and substance use disorder treatment. These programs offered trainings and technical assistance in conducting routine sexual health conversations, sexual risk-reduction counseling and LGBTQ cultural competency within behavioural health systems of care.       In this episode, you will hear:     Defining out of control sexual behavior   Examining the driving force behind this issue   How common is this issue?  Looking at boundary fidelities   The consequences of trying to over-control sexual thoughts   Is this a behavioral or addiction issue?   Understanding not to adopt a disease narrative   Using the framework of addiction issues to tackle this issue   Are STD’s common for people dealing with this issue?      Resources  http://michaelvigorito.com     Bonus Episode - Anorexia Nervosa & Sex: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-anorexia-nervosa-sex/ Bonus Episode - Sex & OCD: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-ocd-and-sex/  Bonus Episode - Sex & Depression: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-depression-sex/     https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://oasis2care.com/contact-nazanin-moali-psychologist/     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

27 Aug 201936min

Welcome to episode 137 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I’m delighted to welcome Caitlin V to the podcast. In this episode she speaks to me about what men can do to last longer in bed, the underlying issues of premature ejaculation and techniques that men can learn to help with this issue.     Caitlin V is a sex and relationship coach who helps men become amazing lovers and incredible partners. Formerly a sexual health researcher and policy analyst, she was catapulted into internet stardom after a video featuring her went viral.     She works with clients all over the world on ending premature ejaculation, preventing erectile dysfunction, and developing unshakable sexual confidence. Combining personal experience with evidence-based science in her coaching, Caitlin’s mission is to create a sex and pleasure-positive world    In this episode, you will hear:     What can men do to last longer in bed?  Simple and effective techniques men can use   Understanding how your style of masturbation will affect your sex life   How society has the wrong expectation on the duration of sex   Learning to control your ejaculation, if only by a small amount   How many men don’t know treatment is available   Numbing techniques – picturing undesirable things whilst having sex  Why numbing techniques don’t offer the best solution   Why longer duration of sex doesn’t translate to better sex  The relationship between sexual positions and duration   Staying away from untested home remedies         Resources  www.bettersexcoach.com     Bonus Episode, Sex & OCD: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-episode-ocd-and-sex/  Bonus Episode, Sex & Depression: https://oasis2care.com/bonus-depression-sex/     https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://oasis2care.com/contact-nazanin-moali-psychologist/     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

20 Aug 201932min