8: Sexual Communication and Healing for Couples with Nancy Wonder

“So instead of talking about the dishes, who didn't take the trash out and how the other person's mad, we talk about sexuality. So just openly talk about what happens when you get in bed, and then we start tracking the protectors. We have protective parts and we have exiles. So, just like with any topic in couples, sexuality involves our protectors and our exiles.” - Nancy Wonder

Disclaimer: This episode explores sensitive topics related to sexuality. Listener discretion is advised.

Talking about sex in a Self-Led way can be darn difficult, whether that is with partners, clients, or professional helpers.. Today’s guest is an expert on courageous sexual communication. She has helped sex offenders, sexual abuse survivors, folks with compulsive sexual behaviors, as well couples facing the everyday challenges of life to have brave and healing conversations.

Patty welcomes Nancy Wonder, a seasoned IFS and Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO) therapist and trainer, to discuss helping therapists and couples to communicate courageously about sexuality. Nancy shares her journey from working with sexual offenders to specializing in couples' sexual health, and how IFS transformed her approach.

They delve into the challenges couples face in discussing sex, the impact of trauma, and the importance of self-energy in healing and rebuilding intimacy. In this episode, you'll discover Nancy's path from working with sexual offenders to becoming an expert in couples' sexuality, the role of trauma in sexual compulsivity and how IFS addresses it, how to help couples navigate the shame and betrayal associated with sexual acting out, the importance of Self-energy in witnessing and repairing relationship wounds, practical strategies for rebuilding sexual intimacy after betrayal, including internal consent and gradual reconnection, why emotional repair doesn't automatically translate to sexual connection, and the need for explicit attention to sexual health in couples therapy.

About Nancy:

Nancy Wonder, PhD (she/her) is a licensed psychologist in Tallahassee, Florida where she conducts individual and couple therapy. Nancy serves as a Senior trainer for Intimacy From the Inside Out and is a past Co-Lead trainer for the IFS Institute. Nancy has been involved in over 20 trainings involving IFS or IFIO and has presented at the annual IFS conference on various topics, especially on IFS and IFIO applied to sexual issues in treatment. She contributed a chapter to Internal Family Systems Therapy: New Dimensions, entitled “Treating Pornography Addiction with IFS” and Internal Family Systems Therapy: Supervision and Consultation, entitled “Making the Unconscious Conscious in IFS Consultation of Sexual Abuse, Sexual Offending, and Sexual Compulsivity.”

Connect with Nancy:

nancywonder.com

Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/

Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich

Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.