EP 173: The Emotional Regulation Crisis — And the Skills We Weren’t Taught

Yale psychologist Marc Brackett, bestselling author of Permission to Feel, joins Mosh to break down his new book ⁠Dealing With Feeling⁠ — a practical guide to emotional regulation at a moment when society seems more reactive, overwhelmed, and dis-regulated than ever. Brackett, who founded the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, explains what emotional regulation really is (and isn’t). It’s not suppressing emotions or “checking them at the door,” he says — it’s learning to use your feelings wisely to achieve your goals. The episode dives into: Why most adults were never taught emotional regulation and how beliefs from childhood still shape our reactions. The crucial difference between emotions — anger vs. disappointment, anxiety vs. stress — and why naming them accurately changes everything. Co-regulation: how to support your partner, friend, colleague, or child through difficult feelings without fixing or lecturing. Why venting often backfires, and how to help someone break the cycle of rumination. The role of sleep, exercise, food, and technology in stabilizing your emotional life — and why doom-scrolling is one of the worst “strategies.” Setting boundaries, managing family conflict, and navigating political tension without losing yourself. Why savoring positive emotions is as important as managing the negative ones — and how kids learn this faster than adults. Brackett also shares how his own childhood — bullying, loss, trauma — shaped his work, and how one emotionally intelligent uncle changed the trajectory of his life. He also discusses his work with kids, including ⁠RULER, the emotional intelligence curriculum now used in thousands of schools⁠, and why he believes emotional skills should be taught from birth through adulthood.