The Shame Trap and the Inner Chimp Paradox

This episode is dedicated to a friend of Cliff´s, Jamie, who first told him about the Inner Chimp Paradox and recommended the book and the techniques he and Eva are exploring, today. Everyone has an inner chimp that self-blame voice, which nags them, shames them, and tells them they are rubbish at everything. It is normal, but people with neurodiverse brains feel criticism more deeply, so if their inner chimp is not kept in check, it can do a lot of damage. Cliff and Eva discuss how to put your inner chimp back in its box. EPISODE REVEALS · The chimp in your head is that negative side that always shames you, says you're useless, makes you feel rubbish – self-blame. · Everybody has an inner chimp. Whether you’re neurotypical or neurodiverse. But ADHD brains feel criticism much more than a neurotypical one does. Letting your inner chimp do as it pleases can lead to ADHD burnout and really dark thoughts. · For neurodiverse people, the impact of the criticism from their inner chimp can cause them to spiral downwards, so it is particularly important to be aware of your inner chimp and learn how to put him back in his box. · Befriend your chimp. Speak to your chimp like you would a friend who's suffering. If you see someone who's being grumpy, what would you say to that person? · Deep breathing helps a lot - Banana for the chimp, oxygen for the human. · Kindness regulate ADHD faster – including self-kindness. BEST MOMENTS "There is a grumpy monkey living in your head ." “Give your brain a hug, not hate mail.” "Anxiety is there for quick, short bursts of energy to keep us safe, keep us active. But in today's world anxiety has turned against us." "We are going to name the chimp. Let it know we are the boss. We're going to tell our chimp to chill. ." "Perfection is a trap – good enough ships." EPISODE RESOURCES Helping Teachers Thrive Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/helping-teachers-thrive/id1681843058 The Chimp Paradox Book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Acclaimed-Management-Confidence/dp/B006WCJ9OS RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!