The Attachment Style Quiz Your Therapist Would Give You (Part 2 Secure-Relationship Series)

Episode Title

The Attachment Style Quiz Your Therapist Would Give You (Part 2 of the Secure-Relationship Series)

Episode Description

Most of what we do in relationships is on autopilot—shaped by how we were cared for (or not) as kids. In this episode, Sharla and Robert unpack the three main attachment styles (Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant), share eye-opening childhood reflection questions, real-life couple stories, and checklists to help you identify yourself. You’ll finally understand why you chase, why they pull away, and how to stop using labels as weapons—so you can actually build the safety and closeness you both crave.

Key Takeaways

1. Your attachment style isn’t a flaw—it’s an adaptation from childhood.
2. Never weaponize labels (“You’re so avoidant!”). Use them for compassion only.
3. Secure relationships require: safety first, equal power, and the relationship that come first.
4. The path to more security = Acceptance of who you both are + owning your impact.
5. You can’t force change in your partner. You create it through consistent safety.

Quick Attachment Style Checklists (from the episode)

Secure I enjoy closeness but am also comfortable alone. Disagreements don’t shake me. I trust easily.

Avoidant I recharge best alone. Closeness can feel smothering. I downplay emotions.

Anxious I worry my partner will leave. I need frequent reassurance. Small things feel like big threats.

Resources for Deeper Learning

Must-Read Books

1. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller → The book that brought attachment theory into everyday relationships.
2. Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin → Deep dive into how your partner’s brain works and how to create real security together.
3. The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller → Excellent for understanding how early wounds show up now and how to heal them.
4. Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson → Seven conversations that can transform your relationship (Emotionally Focused Therapy classic).

Next Week

We start building that “invisible forcefield” around your relationship—specific tools to create safety and security even when your attachment styles clash.

Call to Action!

If this episode gave you an “aha!” moment, please leave us a 5-star rating and quick review—it really helps other couples find the show. Share this episode with your partner or a friend who’s stuck in the chase-pullaway cycle. And subscribe so you don’t miss Part 3!

Thanks for listening — and remember: put each other first this week. The small things, done often, really do change everything. ❤️