Losing and finding my tribe

Yesterday was one of those rare, quiet days. No treatments, no injections, no clinic visits. Just a slow walk with Pinky and the dogs, and by 3:30 I was back in my pajamas.

My girls are scattered across the world, exhausted from exams and freezing in the snow. Kayla is at ‑8°C, Kitty at ‑1°C, and Kira at 8°C with snow predicted. It’s Kitty’s first time seeing snow, and she just cannot get warm.

Today feels lighter — nails, occupational therapy, and the oxygen chamber. But underneath the small joys, there’s frustration. Memory gaps, forgetting words, stopping mid‑sentence to ask Shaun for help. Cutting food into tiny pieces because I’m scared I might choke. Living with these fears makes every day feel like a test.

When I moved suburbs in 2019, it felt like my old friends let me go. The social loss hurt like physical pain. The Bluff was my first tribe — community, no judgment, belonging. But after trauma and two smash‑and‑grabs, we moved to Durban North. Life became safer, more convenient, but my tribe shifted.

Instead of rebuilding, I poured myself into my daughters. Those early morning coffees after training became rituals of love and safety. No regrets. But now, with them overseas, the loneliness hits.

I’ve been judged, excluded, called out for gym clothes and tattoos. But I learned: what you wear doesn’t define your value. Confidence is being true to yourself.

Family has always been my anchor. They don’t judge. They don’t gossip. They just are.

Even though the hurt of losing my old circle lingers, my focus now is reclaiming myself, reconnecting with Shaun, and cherishing those who have stood by me.

Connection matters. Rituals anchor us. Family can be a tribe. Vulnerability is human. Love and loss often travel together.

And when I look back, I don’t feel regret. I feel gratitude. 💙

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