Prevent Anger from Wrecking Your Relationships w/ Russell Kolts

The Art of Charm is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/charm today to get 10% off your first month. In today’s episode, we cover anger and compassion with Russell Kolts, PhD. Russell is Professor of Psychology at Eastern Washington University, an internationally recognized trainer in compassion-focused therapy (CFT), a TedX speaker, and the author of several books on compassion-focused therapy including CFT Made Simple: A Clinician's Guide to Practicing Compassion-Focused Therapy and Buddhist Psychology and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: A Clinician's Guide. Many men struggle with anger, especially today because society condemns the emotion, so what does it mean to express anger in healthy ways vs unhealthy ways, what can you do to manage your anger effectively, and how can you use self-compassion to ensure your anger doesn’t destroy your relationships? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What are the biggest misconceptions around compassion and why is compassion important to your ability to dominate life with finesse and courage? Is it bad to use anger as fuel for action and growth? How to Manage Anger – 12:40 What exercise can you implement today to make sure you don’t blow up at someone you care about the next time they make you angry? The worst way to resolve conflict – 22:46 How do you handle conflict and arguments when your anger feels overwhelming? How do you manage shame effectively? Why is a problem solving approach problematic in relationship conflicts? Tools for Building Self Compassion – 41:20 What 2 questions can you ask yourself to develop self compassion so you can be as patient and understanding with yourself as you are with the people you care about? Self compassion doesn’t come naturally, especially for men, but it’s crucial for not allowing anger to control us. Also, it’s important to recognize the difference between using anger for positive things like motivation for taking action or problem solving versus letting anger consume us. It takes awareness, intention, and practice to be able to show the same compassion to yourself as you do the people you care about. When done effectively, showing compassion can transform any kind of hostile situation into something more meaningful, both in relationships you’re part of and in life in general. A Word From Our Sponsors Are you ready to take your career to the next level in 2023? Looking to grow your high-value social circle? After coaching over 10,000 clients including military special operators and Fortune 500 executives we’ve learned a thing or two about what it actually takes to grow your network. In fact, over 90% of the amazing guests on this show are from referrals in our personal networks. We’ve packaged our best insights inside a course called, Social Capital. And, as a thank you for being a podcast listener, we want to give you this training for FREE to start 2023. To get your hands on this training and immediately start improving your relationships, go to theartofcharm.com/sc Running out of things to say in conversation… and still struggling to get people interested in you? That’s an uncomfortable position to be in. Don’t want to risk getting tongue-tied and screwing things up the next time you meet someone? Check out Conversation Magic now to make sure you don't crash and burn. With our bulletproof formula, you'll be flirting up a storm, sparking fun and engaging conversations, and making high-value friends anywhere! Resources from this Episode Anger, Compassion, and What It Means To Be Strong | TEDxOlympia Russell Kolts on Twitter CFT Made Simple: A Clinician's Guide to Practicing Compassion-Focused Therapy Buddhist Psychology and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: A Clinician's Guide BetterHelp Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices