4 Ways to Love the People You Disagree With

4 Ways to Love the People You Disagree With

America doesn’t have an anger problem. We have a contempt problem.

In this episode of Office Hours, I talk about how we can bring more love and happiness into a world that feels increasingly bitter and divided. Too often, contempt fills the space where love could exist. When we choose to love those who disagree with us, we not only make the world better, but we also make our own lives happier.

A lot of what I share today draws from my book Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt (2019). I reflect on what I’ve learned about standing up for those we oppose, and why real change starts when we take contempt personally. I hope you walk away from this episode remembering that behind every cruel remark or dehumanizing label is a person with inherent worth and dignity.

In the episode, I will also explore a psychological concept known as the Dark Triad—a trio of personality traits that can fuel conflict and polarization. If you're curious about how these traits show up in yourself or others, you can take a quick quiz at arthurbrooks.com/darktriads to see where you land.

We’d love to hear any feedback you have. Please email us at officehours@arthurbrooks.com. And please leave a review on Apple or Spotify. Thanks for listening!

Where to find Arthur Brooks:

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠officehours@arthurbrooks.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(03:52) America’s growing crisis of contempt

(04:50) What motive attribution asymmetry is, and how to overcome it

(13:33) Why you should take hateful remarks personally and love your political enemies

(18:59) Why anger isn’t the problem, but contempt is

(24:23) How John Gottman identifies contempt in relationships doomed to fail

(26:01) How Dark Triad personalities thrive in a culture of contempt

(28:58) The neuroscience of habits and how they shape communication

(33:07) How to break a destructive habit

((42:09) Homework #1: Disagree better

(43:20) Homework #2: Stand up to your own side

(44:18) Homework #3: Go looking for contempt and meet it with love

(46:29) Homework #4: Express gratitude

(48:46) Q&A: How charisma connects to the dark triad

(50:10) Q&A: When family cuts you off (and why it’s more common than you think)

Referenced:

• How to Build a Life: https://www.theatlantic.com/projects/how-build-life/

• Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Your-Enemies-America-Contempt/dp/0062883755

• America’s Crisis of Civic Virtue: https://www.journalofdemocracy.org/articles/americas-crisis-of-civic-virtue/

• Motive attribution asymmetry for love vs. hate drives intractable conflict: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25331879/

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Production and marketing by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://penname.co/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. For inquiries about sponsorship, email jordan@penname.co

Denne episoden er hentet fra en åpen RSS-feed og er ikke publisert av Podme. Den kan derfor inneholde annonser.

Episoder(57)

5 Ways to Find Your Faith

5 Ways to Find Your Faith

Why do so many people drift from faith in early adulthood, only to feel drawn back to it later in life? In this episode of Office Hours, I explore the Hindu concept of Ashramas and the parallels with ...

31 Aug 50min

The Three Secrets to Raising Great Kids

The Three Secrets to Raising Great Kids

Being a parent is one of the most meaningful things you can do with your life, and one of the easiest things to worry about getting wrong. Most of us ultimately want the same things for our children: ...

24 Aug 45min

Success Secret: Finding People Who Disagree With You

Success Secret: Finding People Who Disagree With You

Most of us prefer spending time with people who are like us. They think like us, share our values, and make us feel comfortable. But while similarity may be easy, it isn't always what helps us grow.In...

17 Aug 48min

 One Year of Office Hours: Lessons on Love and Friendship

One Year of Office Hours: Lessons on Love and Friendship

In this special one-year anniversary episode of Office Hours, I'm joined by six young adults to discuss the modern crisis of meaning and why so many people feel disconnected despite having more ways t...

10 Aug 1h 18min

Why You Should Let People Help You More

Why You Should Let People Help You More

We usually think generosity means helping other people. But what if accepting help is generous, too?In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why letting others help us can be a gift. We’ll look at t...

3 Aug 37min

The Power of Sunlight: Protocols for Better Mood, Sleep & Happiness

The Power of Sunlight: Protocols for Better Mood, Sleep & Happiness

It's easy to assume that we'd be happier if we lived somewhere with more sunshine. But how much does sunlight actually matter?In this episode of Office Hours, I examine what the research says about th...

27 Jul 45min

How Lying Sabotages Your Happiness

How Lying Sabotages Your Happiness

Most people don't start with huge lies. They start with little white lies meant to avoid conflict, spare someone's feelings, or make life a little easier. But what if those small compromises are quiet...

20 Jul 49min

Use Music to Change Your Brain and Get Happier

Use Music to Change Your Brain and Get Happier

There's a reason music has mattered to people for thousands of years. Across cultures and generations, we’ve treated it as more than entertainment—as a kind of language that can express what words can...

13 Jul 43min

Populært innen Helse

fastlegen
lydartikler-fra-aftenposten
psykodrama
rss-gukild-johaug
hvordan-har-du-det-mann
leger-om-livet
relasjonspodden-med-dora-thorhallsdottir-kjersti-idem
rss-skravla-gar
bak-fasaden-en-reise-i-livet-med-sykepleier-ine
foreldreradet
hjernesterk
morten-ramm-lar-kakla-ga-til-du-sovner
klimaks
g-punktet
rss-lopedrommen
kjed-deg-i-sovn-verdens-kjedeligste-podcast
hormonelle-frida
rss-garne-damer
treningsprat
sinnsyn