2 | How to love yourself more and free yourself from sexual shame | Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers & Nunaisi Ma

Self love is the fastest way to break through sexual shame, it is the solution and salvation for much of the sexual shame you may encounter today. Learning about your body and learning to love yourself more is your best weapon against feeling shame.

As you are developing your curiosity, you're curious about your body, of course, and that curiosity begins to emerge before you're even a year old and you discover your genitals, which is one of the primary pleasure areas of your body. If your parents or your caregivers are not comfortable with that, you're going to begin to get in trouble about that and it will be the beginning of being shamed for your natural curiosity, but you're getting in trouble. So that's not going to make any sense to you and so whenever we get in trouble for a natural curiosity, a natural thing that's happening, the only meaning we can make of that is that, something is wrong with us, our person, our personhood.

It’s really that continuous work with consciousness and awareness and knowing that this shame is not ours. It's not ours to keep.... It has been put on us. "Shame is the fear of disconnection" and one of our primal needs is for connection and sex is probably the most intimate, powerful way for connection. There is no better way to feel connected, than in that intimate relationship, and by holding our stories away, because we are afraid to share them because of shame, that's exactly what hinders our ability to get rid of it. So by sharing our stories, by putting it out there and seeing that we are still loved, and even maybe more because we come vulnerable, and we share our humanity and our most inner treasures with others and that is really what sets the freedom. That's what creates the freedom from shame.

Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers is a therapist, a sex educator, speaker, author, mother and wife. She has a PhD in clinical sexology and does formal research on the effects of sexual change on couples’ intimacy, she writes a blog, she has an online community called Thank God for Sex. She speaks regularly throughout the year around the country. She published a couple of books and establishd the Northwest Institute on Intimacy - NWIOI.com and you can get in touch with her at tinashermersellers.com

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