SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

It's pretty much a given that, at some point or another in swinging or polyamory, there will be boundary violations, safer sex failures, and other moments you'd talked about and thought about and made rules about. No matter how much hypothetical thought goes into it, though, often being confronted with these things in the real world can cause some serious "knocked on your ass" moments. Tonight we talk about how to process boundary violations, safer sex failures, and the importance of compassion throughout the process.

Dylan relayed his recent protection failure story, consisting of a condom sliding off during sex resulting in condomless ejaculation. While the story and the people involved were incredibly sexy, the mistakes made (delaying telling a partner, processing the failure as offense, lack of perspective on the risk of playing with others) resulted in an otherwise pleasant encounter into something to suffer through.

Cooper makes the point that something will happen over the course of a swinging lifetime, and that you should treat others how you'd want to be treated if you were the one who'd "screwed up" somehow, that compassion in necessary because everyone is hurting when there's no intent to harm.

The group moves into discussing "odd-man out" scenarios in which (usually) the male half of a couple who ends up not playing has a choice on whether to be mopey and whiny about it, or whether to enjoy his partner's pleasure and the atmosphere, and to potentially live to play again later in the night. Dylan once again relays a story of not taking his usual care to see the "odd-man out" partner before joining his wife in a threesome, and speaks of some real regret in not doing so after seeing a well meaning person hurting.


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While we're on Google Play Podcasts, they don't appear to support a review option yet so... hang tight on that, and we apparently aren't on Spotify yet. Dylan spoke a little too soon. We'd sack him but we'd have to hire a hundred monkey editors to replace him and that's a lot of work but you. #grrDYLAN

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Rich Edwards - For You (featuring Park Avenue)

Richard Caddock, WRLD, Nitro Fun, Slips & Slurs & Subtact - Break The Silence

Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

Episoder(431)

SS 083: The Pick-Up In Non Monogamy with Cunning Minx

SS 083: The Pick-Up In Non Monogamy with Cunning Minx

The Pick-up, we discuss vanilla pick-up culture briefly while moving into how to be picked up, how to message people online, and meeting people in real life. The concept of a codex, or a user manual (RTFM!) for potential hookups and dating partners to use comes up and we spend a lot of time figuring out what goes into it and what it actually means. While we lose a Ginger this episode, we pick up a Cunning Minx and have a great time!   Minx's User Manual Cunning Minx on Twitter Polyamory Weekly Join the Swingset crew at Desire Resort & Spa from November 3-10, 2012!

6 Aug 20121h 10min

SS 082: Geeksexuality - Making Porn, Bisexual Males, Bush, & Quantum Physics

SS 082: Geeksexuality - Making Porn, Bisexual Males, Bush, & Quantum Physics

We are joined by Ned & Maggie Mayhem, geeksexual porn stars who's mantra is to just be themselves in porn. We gush over them a while, Cooper admits their site is the first porn site he's ever paid for. The discussion leads to making porn, bringing toys into the bedroom, male use of the Hitachi Magic Wand, male bisexuality in porn, and identifying as queer.

23 Jul 20121h 7min

SS 081: Open SF Debrief III - Learning to Speak Up, Browsing SF, and a Farewell Lunch

SS 081: Open SF Debrief III - Learning to Speak Up, Browsing SF, and a Farewell Lunch

We finish our debrief from our experience at Open SF Non-Monogamy Conference. We discuss seminars we attended, Dylan laments falling asleep, Cooper explains how The Brown Eyed Girl took them all out for a spin around town and how he learned to ask for what he wants, we break in the middle for a little discussion on companies who take public stances on issues, and we end with a farewell lunch on Monday with Pepper Mint.

16 Jul 201253min

SS 080: Open SF Debrief II - Magic Brownies, Presentations, Hot Tubs, Flirting, & Sex

SS 080: Open SF Debrief II - Magic Brownies, Presentations, Hot Tubs, Flirting, & Sex

We continue our debrief from our experience at Open SF Non-Monogamy Conference. We discuss seminars we attended, including Charlie Glickman, Tristan Taormino, and the presentation we gave. Cooper gets a magic brownie and tries to pick up a Brown-Eyed Girl, and talks about how incredibly charming The Professor is. The gang goes on a San Francisco odyssey to find a hot-tub in the hills, and Dylan gets a girl.

9 Jul 20121h 4min

SS 079: Open SF Debrief I - Dom/sub, Sex Parties, & San Francisco

SS 079: Open SF Debrief I - Dom/sub, Sex Parties, & San Francisco

The gang begins their full debrief from the Open SF Non-Monogamy conference. Cooper experiences both Dom and sub play in a single night, and processes his feelings on Domination, humiliation, choking, as well as being flogged, spanked, and fondled. Dylan holds court and plays Cards Against Humanity with friends. Ginger and the Prof discover the fuck monster at the Pink Play Party. Shira brings a two boys to their first play party.

2 Jul 201255min

SS 078: In Bed With The Swingset - Flirting, Drinking, Safe Words, A Sex Toy Box, & Chaos

SS 078: In Bed With The Swingset - Flirting, Drinking, Safe Words, A Sex Toy Box, & Chaos

The Swingset crew is drinking in bed together at the Open SF conference. For a good long while we giggle and talk of almost nothing. Dylan shamelessly flirts with the ladies. We move on to talking about Dom/sub play, and Cooper's fears getting into it. The discussion leads to relationship safe words and the Get Out of Jail Free Card in dealing with relationship conflict. We talk aftercare and then dig into Cooper's sex toy box while Dylan just wants to make out with Ginger's thigh.

23 Jun 20121h

SS 077: Sex With Benefits – Progressive Swinging – Live From The Open SF Conference

SS 077: Sex With Benefits – Progressive Swinging – Live From The Open SF Conference

The Swingsetters are live in San Francisco at the Open SF Conference on non-monogamy to discuss Progressive Swinging, where swingers are gradually sliding down the spectrum toward long term relationships, and even !!GHASP!! love. We take questions from the audience and Cooper gets all riled up.

15 Jun 201259min

SS 076: Gang-Bang The Mailbag III – Jealousy in Open Relationships

SS 076: Gang-Bang The Mailbag III – Jealousy in Open Relationships

We return to the mailbag, still full after last week to discuss a number of jealousy related issues. A newly poly girl is uncomfortable with her husband dating his monogamous ex girlfriend, what is the difference between different flavors of non-monogamy, is jealousy healthy, does it show your partner that you care?

4 Jun 201251min

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