From Grandmother’s Love to Adult Survival Mode

In this episode of Survival Mode Disrupted, I’m joined by relationship coach & mentor, Terraine, a man who was raised by his grandmother, reunited with parents who didn’t know how to love him well, and found refuge in religion before finally confronting his own survival patterns. Together, we unpack what survival mode looks like when you’re functioning, high-achieving, and still completely disconnected from your own needs.

🎙️ In This Episode, We Talk About:

• How being raised without his mother and father put survival mode on default from childhood
• The role his grandmother played as his first model of love—and how losing her in December 2024 shattered and reshaped him
• The taboo of telling the truth about your parents in cultures where “that’s your mom/dad” trumps your pain
• How people end up seeking in partners what they never got at home—validation, words of affirmation, safety, attention
• Why so many of us confuse people pleasing with kindness, and how it becomes a survival identity
• How survival mode shows up in the body: racing thoughts, heavy chest, back pain, emotional numbness, autopilot routines
• The impact of growing up with emotional neglect or chaotic parenting on your adult relationships
• Why parents who never healed their own childhoods unintentionally recreate the same pain for their kids
• The difference between running a race (constantly competing) and running a marathon (focusing on your own pace and healing)
• The crab-in-a-barrel mentality: why some people will pull you back down the moment you start healing

💡 Powerful Moments

• We unpack how love languages get twisted when you’re raised in chaos:
• If you were called “fat” and “stupid”? You’ll chase anyone who gives you compliments.
• If you were controlled or shamed? You’ll overwork, overgive, and overperform to prove you’re enough.
• We talk about how self-sabotage is often learned—especially if you were raised to make everyone else comfortable but never taught to honor yourself.
• We explore how survival mode keeps you seeking toxic familiarity instead of safe love, because your nervous system sees chaos as “home.”

🧠 Action Step from TerraineFind a full-length mirror. Fully clothed.Look yourself in the eyes and say one thing you love about yourself today.It sounds simple, but it will trigger a very real conversation with yourself about what you like, what you don’t like, and what you’ve been avoiding.That’s where your healing starts.
🌐 Connect with Today’s Guest – Terraine

• Website: behindtheshades.ca
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