14. Awesome: Attachment Styles Explained - Grounding, Connection and Clarity.

The Power of Connection:

We begin with a beautiful quote from Antoine de Saint Exupéry's "The Little Prince." The fox tells the prince, "to tame" is to create a bond. This quote perfectly introduces the idea of attachment – the way we form close relationships and connect with others.

Understanding Attachment Theory:

John Bowlby's Attachment Theory suggests that infants and young children seek safety and closeness with their caregivers. These caregivers act as a "secure base" – a foundation from which children can explore the world, knowing they can return for comfort and support.

Exploring Your Attachment Style: A Questionnaire

Now comes the exciting part – discovering your attachment style! Grab a pen and paper as we delve into a simple questionnaire based on Dynamic Interpersonal Therapy (DIT).

The Four Attachment Styles:

The questionnaire explores four main attachment styles. Here's a breakdown of each style along with the scoring system (1 = not like you, 7 = very much like you):

Style A:

Statement: "It's easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I'm comfortable depending on them and having them depending on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others not accept me."

Score yourself: 1 (Not Like Me) to 7 (Very Much Like Me)

Style B:

Statement: "I'm uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely or depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others."

Score yourself: 1 (Not Like Me) to 7 (Very Much Like Me)

Style C:

Statement: "I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I'm uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I somehow worry that others don't value me as much as I value them."

Score yourself: 1 (Not Like Me) to 7 (Very Much Like Me)

Style D:

Statement: "I'm comfortable with close emotional relationships, but it's very important to me to find independence and self-sufficiency. I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me."

Score yourself: 1 (Not Like Me) to 7 (Very Much Like Me)

Understanding the Results:

Style A - Secure Attachment

A high score in this style indicates a secure attachment pattern – a foundation for healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Style B - Anxious-Fearful Attachment

A high score in this style suggests an anxious attachment with a fearful pattern. You might crave closeness but struggle with trust and fear getting hurt.

Style C - Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

This style indicates an anxious attachment with a preoccupied pattern. You crave deep connection but might feel insecure or doubt your worth in relationships.

Style D - Avoidant Attachment

A high score in this style suggests an avoidant attachment pattern. You value independence and might struggle with emotional intimacy.

Once you've scored yourself on each style, you'll have a better understanding of your dominant attachment pattern. Remember, these are just general categories, and your style might be a blend of different types.

Beyond the Questionnaire: Disorganized Attachment

The DIT questionnaire doesn't cover the disorganized attachment pattern, which can stem from severe trauma or neglect. It's characterized by confusing and contradictory behaviours in relationships and difficulty with self-regulation. If you suspect you have a disorganized attachment, seeking professional help is recommended.

Importance of Attachment Style Awareness:

Understanding your attachment style can be incredibly helpful in your relationships. It allows you to recognize your own patterns and those of your partner, fostering better communication and empathy.

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