When the Past Shows Up in Your Marriage: Narrative-Focused Trauma Care w/Dan Allender & Steve Call (8-9 Pairing and 3-4 Pairing)

When the Past Shows Up in Your Marriage: Narrative-Focused Trauma Care w/Dan Allender & Steve Call (8-9 Pairing and 3-4 Pairing)

Christa sits down with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call, longtime therapists, professors, relationship theorists and practitioners, and authors of The Deep-Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Intimacy, Healing, and Delight, for a powerful conversation about trauma-informed couples therapy through the lens of The Narrative Focused Trauma Care® (NFTC) Model Dan Allender created. Here in this juicy and deep diving episode, Dan and Steve explain how the stories of our past drift into the present and create friction in our marriages - and why not stuffing the stories, but understanding those stories is the key to transformation. They break down why we fight the way we fight, how to address past trauma with courage and compassion, and how to disrupt cycles of conflict based on shame, judgment, and resentment, even those in place since childhood. With over 70 years of combined therapeutic experience, Dan and Steve offer hope that marriage can be more than just "getting along" - it can be a place of healing, intimacy, and genuine delight - their truest motivation for sharing with us. If you're stuck in repeating patterns, wondering why the same fights keep happening, or looking for a way to write a new story for your marriage, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are. Watch on YouTube!! Find Steve and Dan's work on Narrative Focused Trauma Care at Allender Center here! https://theallendercenter.org/about/nftc/ Find Steve and Lisa's couples intensive work at the Reconnect Institute here! https://www.thereconnectinstitute.com/ Find the book, Deep-Rooted Marriage here! https://online.theallendercenter.org/courses/growing-in-marriage-series?coupon=GROWING30 Find the $99 course mentioned on the pod here! Use the code enneagram30 if the discount does not appear! https://online.theallendercenter.org/courses/growing-in-marriage-series?coupon=GROWING30 Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Episoder(591)

The Foundation Before the (Sexual) Fireworks

The Foundation Before the (Sexual) Fireworks

This is the turning point of the Summer of Intimacy, the bridge from everything we have built in June into the sexual intimacy series beginning in July. But this episode names something deeper that ha...

29 Jun 22min

Two Essential Paths to Intimacy: Joy and Connection

Two Essential Paths to Intimacy: Joy and Connection

In this crowning summer episode every listener needs to lean in for, Christa unpacks the two paths back to each other: connection, the path of being deeply known, grounded in John Gottman's research o...

24 Jun 20min

25 Years In: What I've Learned About Intimacy

25 Years In: What I've Learned About Intimacy

Today Christa talks through 25 years of marriage to Wes - and instead of a typical teaching episode, we're reflecting on the story arc of marriages that thrive. Christa shares a lessonn about her own ...

22 Jun 24min

Subscriber Series: The Container Method - Emotional Safety for Every Type in Marriage (Free to All This Week!)

Subscriber Series: The Container Method - Emotional Safety for Every Type in Marriage (Free to All This Week!)

This week's deep dive is FREE for everyone, and we mean everyone. Whether you're a longtime Collective member or brand new here, this one's a gift. We're going deeper into emotional processing contain...

17 Jun 19min

What to Do When Sharing Backfires: Emotional Processing Containers

What to Do When Sharing Backfires: Emotional Processing Containers

When you finally open up and say the vulnerable thing that needed to be said and shared, what next? Often, your spouse gets defensive, shuts down, or fires back, and now you're less likely to ever sha...

17 Jun 16min

Hiding in Your Marriage: What It's Quietly Costing Your Connection

Hiding in Your Marriage: What It's Quietly Costing Your Connection

Do you tell your spouse every sip of coffee, every flirt at the grocery store, every small moment of frustration? Probably not, and that is not automatically a problem. But there is a real difference ...

15 Jun 23min

The Tiny Moments That Make or Break Your Marriage: Emotional Bids

The Tiny Moments That Make or Break Your Marriage: Emotional Bids

What if the thing that determines whether your marriage thrives or slowly fades isn't the big fights or the grand gestures, but the hundred tiny moments in between? In this episode, Christa unpacks on...

10 Jun 22min

How to Stop Assuming the Worst About Your Spouse: Positive Sentiment Override

How to Stop Assuming the Worst About Your Spouse: Positive Sentiment Override

What if the distance you feel in your marriage isn't about love at all, but about a bank account that has quietly run low? In episode three of the Summer of Intimacy series, Christa dives into one of ...

8 Jun 20min

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