Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court: Should You Raise It or Stay Silent?

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You want to understand if domestic violence can affect your property or parenting outcome

• You've been told by a lawyer to "leave the family violence out" of your case

• You're scared raising coercive control or domestic violence will backfire on you in mediation

• You're confused by social media saying the courts ignore family violence

• Your ex is still using coercive behaviour even after separation

• You're heading into mediation or court and don't know how to bring it up

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, post-separation abuse, and the impact of these behaviours on children, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe or experiencing family violence, please reach out for support.

Support is available in Australia: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

This podcast provides general educational information about Australian family law only and is not legal advice. Laura is not a lawyer. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances.

Episode Summary

Should you bring up coercive control and domestic violence in your family law case… or will it backfire?

If you've been online lately, you've probably seen wildly different opinions. Some people insist the courts ignore family violence completely. Others say the system is finally taking it seriously. And then there are the lawyers quietly telling clients to "just leave it out so we can settle." So who's right?

In this episode, Mum and I unpack how coercive control and domestic violence are actually treated in Australian family law right now and the recent appeal cases that show the courts are starting to listen. We walk through real 2023 and 2024 decisions including Burnell & Rockford, Lainhart & Elinson, Dejani & Dejani, and Sad & Raymond cases your lawyer may not have caught up with yet.

We talk about Section 4AB, Section 75, and Section 79 of the Family Law Act, why mediators sometimes forget you're still being coercively controlled while sitting across from your ex, and the very real "peace at any price" trap that costs people thousands in their settlement.

If you've been silenced, dismissed, or told it's not worth raising this episode is for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court: Should You Raise It?

01:00 – Meet Laura & Lynette: Family Law Mum & Daughter Duo

02:00 – Trigger Warning & Legal Disclaimer (Australia & Overseas)

03:00 – Why Social Media Gets Coercive Control So Wrong

04:00 – Why Lawyers Tell Clients to Leave It Out (And Why It's Wrong)

05:00 – Judge Best's Powerful Speech: "Soften Your Gaze"

06:00 – Why Both Parents Having Issues Doesn't Mean Equal Blame

07:00 – Section 4AB: The Family Violence Definition That Changed Everything

09:00 – Why Courts Now MUST Consider Family Violence Allegations

10:00 – The Old Kennon Case vs The New Law: What Changed

11:00 – Choosing the Right Lawyer When Domestic Violence Is Involved

12:00 – "Don't Raise It Or You Won't Settle" — The Lawyer Myth

13:00 – When NOT to Mention Family Violence in Property Mediation

14:00 – The Smarter Way to Negotiate Coercive Control in Mediation

16:00 – Parenting Cases: Why You MUST Raise Family Violence

17:00 – Lainhart & Elinson 2023: The Appeal Case Every Mum Should Know

18:00 – Section 60CC: Safety of Children Now Comes First

19:00 – Why Parents Don't Tell Lawyers the Full Truth (And Why You Must)

20:00 – Coercive Control in Parenting Cases Explained

21:00 – Counselling Orders: When the Court Mistakes Lip Service for Change

23:00 – False Alienation Claims: The New Coercive Control Tactic

24:00 – 50/50 Is No Longer the Default — Here's What Replaced It

26:00 – Free Divorce Webinar With Lynette (Family Law Specialist)

27:00 – Property Settlement: How Domestic Violence Affects Your Percentage

28:00 – Kennon & Kennon: The Original Family Violence Property Case

30:00 – Dejani & Dejani: When a Child's Health Issue Was Hidden

32:00 – Burnell & Rockford 2024: Coercive Control in Property Settlement

34:00 – Financial Abuse and PIN Numbers: What the Court Decided

35:00 – Why You Need These Cases at Your Mediation

37:00 – How Lawyers Use Cases as Negotiation Leverage

38:00 – Section 79 & Notice of Risk: The Mediation Framework

40:00 – Adding Percentage in Mediation Without Saying Why

41:00 – Why You Must Disclose Family Violence in Parenting Negotiations

43:00 – Settlement vs Court: The 10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself

44:00 – Why Mediators Forget You're Still Being Controlled

45:00 – How to Prove Coercive Control: Affidavits That Stand Up

47:00 – The Biggest Mistake: Peace at Any Price Mentality

48:00 – Why Post-Separation Abuse Often Gets Worse

49:00 – Don't Compromise on Children — Stand Your Ground

50:00 – Final Thoughts: It's Their Shame, Not Yours

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. How to Put Coercive Control Into Writing for Court

https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=-7tLxmBpVQb2dNOv

2. Is It Family Violence? A Walk Through the Family Law Act

https://youtu.be/YCddFx9cs_Y?si=DbJU6ePYSxDZFrEn

3. Settling vs Going to Court: 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

https://youtu.be/gYpW3znoY28?si=pdg6wWbjMWttMH94

📚 Cases Mentioned (Take These to Your Lawyer)

• Burnell & Rockford (2024) — Coercive control and financial abuse in property settlement https://austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC2F/2024/468.html

• Lainhart & Elinson (2023) — Full Court appeal, Deputy Chief Justice McClelland — family violence in parenting https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2023/200.html

• Dajani & Dajani [2025] FedCFamC1A 28 (26 February 2025) — Hidden health issues in children and the impact on contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/28.html

• Sayed & Rehmann [2025] FedCFamC1A 145 (21 August 2025) — Family violence and property contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/145.html

• Kennon & Kennon — The original family violence and property settlement case (Section 75)

📰 Resources Mentioned

Article: "Judge urges profession to soften your gaze when dealing with domestic and family violence" — QLS Proctor, 27 March 2024 (Federal Circuit & Family Court Judge Hannah Cara Best) https://www.qlsproctor.com.au/2026/03/judge-urges-profession-to-soften-your-gaze-when-dealing-with-dfv/

Family Law Act 1975 — Sections 4AB, 60CC, 75, 79 https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4ab.html

🆘 Links & Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 family violence support)

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

• Emergency – 000

• The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

• Free Webinar with Lynette (family law accredited specialist) — register at thedivorcecourse.com.au

If this episode helped you feel braver about raising coercive control and domestic violence in your family law matter, please follow, rate, review, and share the podcast it helps other people in coercively controlling situations find this information too. You are not alone, and you don't have to stay silent.