Crushes, Chaos, & Trans Romance

Hosts: Ez (he/him) and Hazel (she/her)

In this episode Ez (he/him) and Hazel (she/her) explore dating, romance, flirting, and intimacy in trans and gender diverse lives. From navigating dating apps and disclosure, to building confidence, setting boundaries, and sharing practical tips for cis people dating trans partners, the conversation reflects the complexity and diversity of trans experiences. Also delving into conversations about bodies, surgeries, and terminology, as well as addressing issues such as fetishisation, communication in relationships, and the longevity of intimacy — including how connection can grow and evolve over time. Throughout, the discussion Ez and Hazel challenge traditional assumptions about desire and intimacy, and highlights the importance of communication, respect, and self-determination.

Additionally here are some recommended resources mentioned in this episode; Trans Sex by Kelvin Sparks, a practical guide for cis people and those new to dating trans partners; Love in a Fcked Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together* by Dean Spade, which examines relationships through an activist and non-traditional lens; Fucking Trans Women a Zine by Mira Bellwether, a widely regarded resource on trans feminine bodies and pleasure; eff-able: a spicy anthology of queer crip poetry, which centres disabled queer voices and desire; and the “Relationship Anarchy Smörgåsbord,” a framework for designing relationships based on individual values and needs. Together, these resources offer further insight into building relationships that are grounded in respect, communication, and authenticity.

🔗 If you'd like to listen back to the unedited episode - with the music - head to our On Demand website. And don't forget to follow our socials at Facebook and Instagram.

Timestamps and Links:

• 00:00 - Acknowledgement of Country
• 00:20 - Welcome to Tranzmission
• 02:15 - 🏳️‍⚧️ Community News and Events - Links in Notes
• 09:28 - 💘 Dating While Trans: The Realities
• 16:12 - 💘 Dating While Trans: Preferences
• 22:35 - 💘 Dating While Trans: Fetishisation
• 27:00 - 💘 Dating While Trans: Disclosure
• 32:12 - 🧠 Tips & Tricks for Dating Trans People
• 34:30 - 🧠 Tips & Tricks: Communication and Terminology
• 38:40 - 🧠 Tips & Tricks: Don’t Fetishise, Exoticise, Or Stereotype
• 46:21 - ❤️ Intimacy, Bodies & Vulnerability: Redefining Sex Beyond Cisnormative Ideas
• 54:26 - 🌈 Love, Joy & Community Care (Resources & Recommended Reading)

🏳️‍⚧️ Community News and Events Links

• LGBTQ+ Australians warned of “serious risks” when travelling to the United States - Equality Australia: TRAVEL ALERT – United States
• Queensland appeal overturns key ruling in drag story time vilification case - Equality Australia: Equality Australia welcomes Queensland decision that drag story time vilification complaint against Lyle Shelton was wrongly decided
• Demand for trans adult content rises as trans rights decline, new report finds - Playboy: Trans Porn Is Booming. Trans Rights Are Fading
• Trans Day of Visibility TRANSTRAVAGANZA - World’s Largest Trans Flag @Davies Park, West End Tuesday 31st of March from 3pm
• pinkNOISE Easter@ The Cave Inn Thursday April 2nd from 6pm
• Mardi Gras-Burg present: Drag Bingo @Brisbane Valley Tavern Saturday, March 28th from 6pm

📖 Recommended Reading & Resources

• Terminology: Trans Hub
• For cis folks and people new to dating trans partners: Trans Sex — by Kelvin Sparks: A practical and affirming guide to navigating intimacy with trans partners
• For activists, anarchists, and people exploring non-traditional relationships: Love in a Fcked Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together — by Dean Spade: A powerful look at relationships outside of mainstream norms, grounded in care and justice
• For exploring Relationship Anarchy: The Relationship Anarchy Smörgåsbord: A flexible, visual framework for designing relationships based on your own values and needs
• Rae White's Recommendations: Mira Bellwether Fucking Trans Women and eff-able: a spicy anthology of queer crip poetry

Support Services

• QLife - 1800 184 527
• QC LGBT Mental Health Services
• Open Doors Youth Services Inc.
• LifeLine - 13 11 14
• Beyond Blue - 1300 22 4636
• How to Support Transgender & Gender-questioning Youth
• Transgender Map

Get Involved

• Trans Justice Project
• Meanjin Peoples Pride
• Parents of Trans Kids Speak Out
• Protect Trans Kids QLD

4ZZZ's community lives and creates on Turrbal, Yuggera, and Jagera land. Sovereignty was never ceded.

Produced and recorded by Hazel and Ez at 4zzz in Fortitude Valley, Meanjin/Brisbane Australia on Turrabul and Jaggera Country and audio and cover image edited by Tobi for podcast distribution for Creative Broadcasters Limited.