I Gave Him an Ultimatum. Now What?

I Gave Him an Ultimatum. Now What?

A person gives their partner an ultimatum, and they fail to meet it. What happens then to the relationship? This couple comes to Esther with that question, wondering what future, if any, might be possible for them. A painful misalignment lies at the center of their polyamorous relationship. She wants to be an integrated part of his life, including his other partnerships; he wants to keep his relationships separate and invisible. Tired of feeling like a secret, she finally gave him an ultimatum: make me a visible part of your life. He wouldn't do it, and now they are left wondering if it will be possible to stay together. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments. My annual Sessions Live two-day live event is coming up next month! Through clinical, cultural, and creative perspectives, Sessions Live 2026: Cultivating Aliveness: Desire & Its Disruptions explores how relationships are evolving, and how we can translate those insights into practice. Whether you’re a practicing clinician or curious mind, you’ll discover fresh insights and takeaways to help you connect and thrive. Come see me live on May 15th and 16th in NYC! Podcast listeners get a special discount with the code FRIENDSLIVE to get $100 off an in-person ticket, or FRIENDSVIRTUAL for $50 off a virtual ticket at checkout on the Sessions Live ticket page. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Episoder(145)

In This Relationship What Is "I" and What is "We"?

In This Relationship What Is "I" and What is "We"?

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They grew up with traumatic backgrounds, met in college, immigrated to the US together. They've built stability and security, and now one of them lo...

15 Jun 46min

Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You?

Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You?

Twin brothers come to Esther with a shared question: how do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years? One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they ...

8 Jun 51min

Love in the Time of AI with Kashmir Hill

Love in the Time of AI with Kashmir Hill

A recent session was a threshold moment for Esther where she found herself doing couples therapy with a man and his AI companion. To explore the questions it raised, Esther sits down with New York Tim...

1 Jun 49min

To Make Room for My Brother I Learned to Disappear

To Make Room for My Brother I Learned to Disappear

With her wedding just weeks away, a young woman calls Esther with a question she’s been carrying for most of her life: how do you allow yourself joy when you’ve learned to make yourself small? Growing...

18 Mai 55min

My Parents Got Divorced, So Why Am I Still in the Middle?

My Parents Got Divorced, So Why Am I Still in the Middle?

When a mom reaches out on her daughter’s behalf, an old family dynamic comes into focus. A woman finds herself caught between her two divorced parents, still playing the role of mediator and emotional...

4 Mai 57min

How To Start (Even When You Don't Know Where You're Going)

How To Start (Even When You Don't Know Where You're Going)

As work becomes the place we look for identity, stability, and meaning, the stakes feel higher than ever. Esther invites you in for a live conversation between friends, New York Times journalist Jodi ...

27 Apr 54min

Is This the Person I'm Meant to Be With?

Is This the Person I'm Meant to Be With?

They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship...

20 Apr 56min

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