it's not the thing, it's your relationship to the thing: rewiring your brain

i think it's called meta-cognition when you observe your internal relationships to external things... the relationship between self and object, rather than the object itself. i'm not denying the realities of oppressive systems and real harm, more like how you might be able to navigate them from a more empowered place so you can be hot & have fun in a way that makes sense to you!!! ~~ as always, please share your thoughts!

00:00 - intro

03:17 - it’s not the thing itself, it’s your relationship to the thing

04:18 - being hot & having fun

04:34 - connotative vs denotative interpretation

05:40 - how you perceive reality is specific to you

06:27 - adjust and redefine

06:51 - your identity is dynamic

07:10 - superficial change vs spiritual growth

07:32 - your personality is the sum of your habits

08:01 - performative slay

08:25 - radical acceptance

09:03 - optimising for FUN and EFFECTIVENESS

09:24 - doing a mental audit

09:48 - avoid defaulting to binary mental traps

10:09 - redefining your relationship to money

11:56 - redefining your relationship to love

12:53 - suspend your moral framework of unmet expectations = bad

14:37 - appreciating life beyond just what you can perceive

15:18 - redefining your relationship to power

15:41 - sidenote: virtuous suffering

16:28 - SPEAK TO THE MANAGER WITHIN

17:08 - the willingness to seek and create win-win dynamics

18:31 - diffuse your awareness and observe before assuming you have to double down on a position

19:32 - changing your relationship to beauty

22:39 diversify your sources of validation

22:51 - the skills to look hot vs cultivate self-respect are different

23:23 - notice and manage your human desire for silver bullet solutions

23:57 - embrace the process of trial and error to accumulate experience

24:26 - the fear of flop/failure is often worse than the flop itself

24:59 - the most sustainable and rewarding growth takes time and usually isnt glamorous

25:30 - redefining your relationship to your emotions

26:21 - associating discomfort with growth rather than failure

26:32 - redefining your relationship with your identity/identity markers

27:06 oppositional identity, “counterwill” and oppositional defiant disorder

28:05 - people will love & hate you whether you enjoy your life or not so focus on figuring out how to enjoy it

28:43 - redefining your relationship to rest

references:

patriarchy and power: how socialisation underpins abusive behaviour

Psychological drivers of gender disparities in leadership paths

what underlies a teen oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis

books (affiliate links)

The Tao of Physics by Fritijof Capra

The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck

all about love by bell hooks

The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf

Ways of Seeing by John Berger