Beyond Parental Controls: Raising Porn-Literate, Neurodivergent Kids in a Digital World with Cath Hakanson

When it comes to sex and porn, many of us feel it’s “wrong” to talk to our kids – especially if they’re autistic, ADHD or highly sensitive. But if we don’t talk, the internet will, and it won’t explain the difference between entertainment and reality, or help them process what they’ve seen. Today I’m joined again by sex educator Cath Hakanson to explore how to have calm, age-appropriate conversations about porn, consent and online safety. We unpack why parental controls are only a first step, how porn shapes expectations of bodies and relationships, and how to support neurodivergent children who may be easily overwhelmed or confused by what they encounter online. EPISODE REVEALS Silence leaves the internet to do the educating about sex and porn - a very dangerous teacher, especially for sensitive, neurodivergent children. Parental control tools can delay exposure, but kids easily bypass them – so, honest, ongoing conversations are still essential. Neurodivergent children often need clear, concrete explanations, including what “counts” as porn, so they know when to tell you. The biggest risk with porn is its messaging about bodies, consent, gender and what “normal” sex looks like. Scare tactics can shut kids down, especially autistic and anxious teens; calm, shame-free dialogue keeps communication open. It’s okay for kids, and parents, to make mistakes online - what matters is that they feel safe enough to come to you if something goes wrong. BEST MOMENTS "We can't expect kids to make safe decisions about porn when they're uninformed." "It's not the porn that's the problem. It's the messaging that they get from porn." "Curiosity is a part of development." "You can't scare kids into safety, and you can't avoid your way into protection." Cath Hakanson https://sexedrescue.com/ email at cath@sexedrescue.com https://www.facebook.com/cathhakanson Previous episode - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/raising-neurodivergent-teens-in-a-sexualised-world/id1810681675?i=1000754576822 RESOURCES Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you: https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR The Mandela effect sci-fi novel https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402 Eva – InspireWithUs- https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT/ CLIFF´S SERVICES Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here - https://m.me/cliff.kilmister CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/