107: How to Divorce With Clarity, Dignity and Emotional Maturity

In this episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, I’m joined by the wonderful Colette Bane, a family lawyer whose emotional intelligence, clarity and care make her such a valuable guide for people navigating divorce. Together we explore what it means to approach divorce consciously and intentionally, especially when powerful emotions begin to surface.

Divorce is not simply a legal process. It is an emotional, psychological and deeply human transition. There may be grief for the relationship, the future you thought you were building, the friendship you once had, or the family structure you hoped would last. There may also be anger, fear, confusion, loss of control, and old childhood dynamics that unexpectedly come to the fore.

Colette and I talk about the importance of setting clear intentions early in the process, so that you can return again and again to your wisest adult self. This does not mean denying the pain. It means having the right support around you so that you can make decisions from strength, maturity and clarity, rather than from fear, helplessness or reactivity.

We also touch on menopause, empty nest transitions, emotional overwhelm, learned helplessness and weaponised incompetence, and why finding your tribe is essential when you are moving through the end of a relationship.

This is the first in a short sequence of conversations with Colette, so do listen out for the next episodes too.

Key Takeaways From This Episode

1. Divorce is an emotional process as much as a legal one Even when there are practical arrangements to be made, divorce often brings up grief, fear, anger, loss and confusion. The legal process may be the structure, but the emotional process is what many people are truly living through.

2. Intention setting matters Conscious intentional divorce begins with deciding who you want to be in the process. Do you want to move through it with dignity, clarity and maturity? Do you want to protect your children from unnecessary conflict? Setting those intentions early can help you keep returning to your wisest self.

3. Your “wise adult self” may not always be the part of you that shows up Divorce can activate old patterns. Sibling rivalry, childlike helplessness, parental power dynamics and victim positions can all appear. When we recognise these patterns, we have a better chance of stepping back into our adult selves.

4. Support is essential Your lawyer can guide you legally, but you also need emotional support. A coach, therapist, counsellor or wise support network can help you process the feelings, regulate your nervous system and make clearer decisions.

5. Menopause and empty nest transitions can change everything For many women, menopause brings a shift in hormones, identity, priorities and tolerance. When children leave home, some women realise they have also been “parenting” their spouse and no longer want to continue in that role.

References

Episodes 88 and 89 - These explore menopause and its impact on women’s emotional lives, relationships, priorities and sense of self.

About Colette Bane
Colette is a partner in the family team at Knights. She is known for her discreet, premium service and strategic approach, advising clients on financial arrangements in divorce, particularly in high-net-worth cases. She also supports clients with child arrangements and wealth protection through pre- and post-nuptial agreements.

Colette has expertise in surrogacy and modern family formation. Her clients value her responsiveness, emotional intelligence and ability to navigate complex and high-stakes situations with both clarity and care.

Working nationally as part of Knights’ leading family law team, Colette delivers bespoke, results-focused advice tailored to each client’s unique needs.

Find Colette:
Instagram: @colette.familylawyer

About Your Host
Heather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible.

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