69. Rewire Your Brain & End Self-Betrayal with Abby Havermann

What if the biggest thing holding you back is a story you don't even know you're telling yourself?

In this profound and eye-opening episode, Ian Bowen sits down with Abby Havermann, a psychotherapist-turned-coach who illuminates the unconscious self-betrayals that keep us stuck. Abby masterfully blends clinical psychology, cutting-edge neuroscience, and ancient wisdom to explain how our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are wired—and how we can rewire them.

Abby opens up with incredible vulnerability about her own journey, including a humiliating rock-bottom moment that forced her to confront the unconscious patterns driving her life. She shares powerful insights on how to "unmemorize" debilitating emotions like guilt, break free from the cycle of unworthiness, and shift from simply surviving to truly thriving.

This is a must-listen for anyone feeling stuck in their own story, battling repetitive negative emotions, or ready to take radical responsibility for their personal reality. Abby provides a practical and compassionate roadmap for waking up from "sophisticated sleepwalking" and creating lasting change from the inside out.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1. How Abby blends psychology, neuroscience, and ancient wisdom to explain the "human machinery."

2. The shocking personal setback that became Abby's catalyst for profound change and self-discovery.

3. What "unconscious self-betrayal" really means and a simple, relatable example (saying "yes" when you mean "no").

4. A powerful, personal story of how Abby "unmemorized" a lifelong pattern of feeling guilty.

5. Why your personality creates your personal reality and how to identify the different "parts" of your inner world.

6. Practical steps to identify your own self-betrayals and rewire your neural pathways for a more authentic life.

7. Why it's biologically difficult to change and how to navigate the "anger-shame" cycle.

Key Takeaways:

1. You Are Not Your Personality: Your personality—made up of how you think, act, and feel—creates your personal reality. To change your life, you must become conscious of and change these elements.

2. Self-Betrayal Roots in Unworthiness: Many of our unconscious self-betrayals, from people-pleasing to overachieving, drill down to a deep-seated sense of unworthiness.

3. To Create Change, Focus Inward Lasting change doesn't happen by just changing your outer world. You must put more attention on your inner world than your outer world.

4. Don't Act From the Emotion: You can feel stuck, anxious, or angry without having to act on it. The goal is to observe the emotion, shift your physiological state, and then choose your behavior consciously.

5. You Can "Unmemorize" Emotions: Just as you learned to tie your shoes, you learned to feel guilt, anxiety, or shame. Through focused attention and new practices, you can unlearn these automatic emotional responses.

Timestamps:

00:00 - Introduction to the Positive Persistence Podcast

01:30 - Introduction to Abby Havermann: Psychotherapist and coach

02:10 - Abby explains the blend of psychology, neuroscience, and ancient wisdom

05:18 - Addressing skepticism about energy and ancient wisdom

09:53 - Abby's defining setback: The story of her arrest and profound humiliation

12:02 - The journey of "unmemorizing" guilt

14:20 - How to practically unlearn an ingrained emotion or habit

16:55 - How your personality creates your personal reality

17:44 - Unpacking "unconscious self-betrayal" with relatable examples

21:47 - Ian shares a personal story of self-betrayal and unworthiness

25:38 - How to identify your patterns of self-betrayal and rewire your thoughts

28:55 - The trap of venting and how to seek support without getting stuck

32:03 - The biology of emotion: It's an addiction, not a moral failing

35:39 - Abby's daily rituals for mental resilience and getting "unstuck"

39:43 - Where to find Abby and her resources

Connect with Abby Havermann:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abby.havermann

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abby.havermann

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/abbyhavermann

Website: https://www.abbyhavermann.com

Podcast (The Intuition Incubator): https://www.abbyhavermann.com/podcast

Free Course (From Hot Mess to Harmony): https://www.abbyhavermann.com/join-from-hot-mess-to-harmony-course

Tedx talk: https://youtu.be/NcvpoY28j8I?si=1cb3Zyl514UlDObO

CONNECT WITH IAN BOWEN:

Website: https://watchmemindset.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ianrbowen/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ianrbowen

YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@PositivePersistence-ch8fk

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