When Sex Dies in a Long-Term Relationship — And How to Bring It Back | Ep. 176 Part 2

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When your partner won't engage — won't go to therapy, won't talk, won't try — what are your actual options? In Part 2 of this two-part conversation, I sit down again with sex therapist Dr. Jenni Skyler and her husband and fellow therapist Daniel Lebowitz to get into the harder, messier truths about long-term desire. We tackle what happens when one partner is simply done trying, why sexual stagnation is the real relationship killer, how to tell your partner you're bored without blowing everything up, and the psychological concept most people have never heard of — the Madonna-whore complex (also called the love-lust split) — and why it's quietly killing men's desire for their own partners. Plus, I ask the question everyone's thinking: do two therapists actually have a perfect marriage?

In this episode:

00:00 — Introduction & recap of Part 1

01:10 — When your partner refuses therapy, refuses sex, refuses everything

04:20 — What to do when divorce isn't an option

06:45 — The Ashley Madison story: meeting your own needs

09:00 — How to declare your needs without issuing an ultimatum

11:30 — Is it realistic to be with one person sexually for 50+ years?

14:00 — Stagnation is what kills desire — not incompatibility

16:20 — How to tell your partner you're bored (without saying "you're boring")

18:45 — Menopause, postpartum, and sexual stagnation windows

21:00 — Grieving the previous chapter of your relationship

22:15 — Men Meet Menopause: Karen's course plug

23:00 — Do two sex therapists have a perfect marriage?

25:10 — The Madonna-whore complex and the love-lust split explained

27:30 — Why men need to become experts in their own relationships

28:40 — Where to find Dr. Jenni Skyler & Daniel Lebowitz

Want a deeper look? Watch the full episode on YouTube for a more visual experience of today’s discussion. This episode is best enjoyed on video—don’t miss out!

Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.

This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.

Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:

Email: karen@taboototruth.com

Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast

Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

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