What single men are really going through - the male loneliness epidemic & how to fix it with researcher Elaine Hoan

For the women listening: if you've spent years dating emotionally unavailable men and wondering why - this episode has the peer-reviewed answer. And it's more surprising, and more human, than you'd expect. For the single men listening: this episode was made for you. Not to lecture you. Not to make you feel worse about yourself. To actually help.

University of Toronto PhD researcher Elaine Hoan joins Bree to break down her landmark study of nearly 6,000 adults - the first comprehensive research of its kind - which found that single women are happier than single men across every measure: life satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, sexual fulfilment, and desire for a partner. The eligible bachelor is a myth. The male loneliness epidemic is real. And it's quietly destroying modern dating for everyone.

Bree also asked single men on Instagram what it's actually like to be them. Their answers were raw, honest and revealing. They feel intense pressure to do everything alone. They feel deeply isolated but don't know how to change it. They cope by throwing themselves into the gym and their careers. Almost none of them have the kind of deep, honest friendships that women build naturally. And the finding that explains modern dating in one sentence - men think women want money, muscles and someone who never cries. Women actually want emotional maturity, real vulnerability and a man who knows how to be a genuine friend.

This episode covers the male loneliness epidemic, the male friendship crisis, what women actually want versus what men think women want, the limiting definition of masculinity that is making single men miserable, and most importantly, what single men can actually do to be happier, more connected, and better at dating.

Elaine Hoan is a PhD candidate in the Department of Psychology at the University of Toronto, supervised by Professor Geoff MacDonald. Her study "Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves": Gender Differences in Singles' Well-Being was published in Social Psychological and Personality Science (2025).

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why single men are less happy than single women across every measure — the findings from nearly 6,000 adults
• The male loneliness epidemic: why single men are isolated, friendless and struggling in ways they rarely admit
• Why men fear singlehood more than women, and how that fear creates emotionally unavailable behaviour in dating
• The male friendship crisis: why men don't have real friendships, what masculinity has to do with it, and what it's costing them
• Why single men cope through the gym and their careers, and why it will never fill the gap
• What women actually want in dating: emotional maturity, vulnerability, real connection; versus what men think women want
• Why single women are more sexually fulfilled than single men and what that reveals about modern relationships
• The limiting definition of masculinity that is keeping single men isolated, unhappy and undateable
• What single men can actually do differently to be happier, build real friendships and become the kind of partner women are genuinely looking for
• What the male loneliness epidemic means for your dating life as a newly single woman, and why emotional maturity is the only green flag that actually matters

Whether you're a single woman exhausted by emotionally unavailable men, newly single after a breakup and trying to understand the modern dating landscape, or a single man who recognises himself in any of this and is ready to actually change, this episode is for you.

Elaine Hoan's study: "Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves" - Social Psychological and Personality Science (2025)

University of Toronto Department of Psychology: psych.utoronto.ca

Follow Bree on Instagram: @breesteele.mp3

Substack — memoir, community + Last Year of Single List: [Substack link]

Email: lastyearofsingle@gmail.com

Executive producer, host & editor: Bree Steele

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