How To Keep Porn From Replacing Intimacy

Porn. We're going there. Whether you watch it, your partner watches it, or you've never really thought about it, this episode is the honest, shame-free conversation you didn't know you needed.

Jay-Jay and Mel explore why porn is so wildly popular, what your search history might (and might not) say about you, and the real question nobody asks: is your porn use helping, or quietly replacing intimacy in your relationship?

This is sex education, not judgment. We cover:

• Why men and women consume porn so differently, and what women are actually looking for
• The psychology of eroticism and why taboo fantasies make sense
• Porn and relationships: when it's fine, when it's not, and what to do when you've just caught your partner watching it (Mel shares her story, and it's a good one)
• The top-searched categories in 2025 and what that tells us about desire
• How porn can actually rewire your body's arousal response, and make it harder to orgasm with a partner
• Ethical porn: what it means, and where to find it (Erika Lust gets a mention)
• Audio erotica, smut, and other ways to explore desire beyond visual porn
• 
  

Mentioned in this episode: https://erikalust.com/ for ethical porn, and if you want to listen to the best audio erotica, try https://www.tryquinn.com/ or https://www.dipseastories.com/

Next week: BDSM.

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How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

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How To Have Sex is produced at PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

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