How to Explore Beginner-Friendly BDSM

BDSM. Two seconds after hearing that word, most people picture whips, chains, leather, and some kind of expensive basement situation. (Just me? Okay, just me.)

This week, certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down what BDSM actually is — and spoiler: it's a much wider, far less terrifying spectrum than you think.

We cover:

What BDSM really means (and what it definitely doesn't have to mean)
Why so many people are secretly curious about power play, restraint, and dominance, and feel weirdly ashamed about it
The psychology behind dominant people wanting to submit, and vice versa
How to go from "we've vaguely thought about this" to actually trying it, without a cringe disaster
The beginner's menu: easy, low-stakes things to explore first
Consent conversations that don't feel like a workplace health and safety briefing
Safewords, aftercare, and the mistakes people make, copying what they've seen online
And this week's Pleasure Practice to try at home

Whether you're deeply curious, mildly intrigued, or just here to find out what all the fuss is about, this one's for you.

Don't start with a whip and a prayer. Start here.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

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How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Episoder(16)

How To Spice It Up In Long-Term Relationships

Ever caught yourself calling your partner "babe" right before asking them to take the bins out, and that was basically the most romantic thing that happened all week? Yeah. This one's for you.This wee...

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How To Bring Your Fantasies To Life

Turns out almost everyone has a fantasy they've never told a single soul. This week Jay-Jay and sex & relationship coach Mel Vranjes get into sexual fantasies; what's actually going on underneath them...

16 Jun 46min

How To Initiate Sex

Ever wanted to make the first move and just… froze? Initiating is one of the most vulnerable things we do, and almost nobody talks about how hard it is.This week Jay-Jay Feeney and somatic sex and rel...

9 Jun 37min

How To Keep Porn From Replacing Intimacy

Porn. We're going there. Whether you watch it, your partner watches it, or you've never really thought about it, this episode is the honest, shame-free conversation you didn't know you needed.Jay-Jay ...

26 Mai 44min

How To Actually Get Your Needs Met In Bed (Without Killing The Mood)

Asking for what you want in bed might be the scariest thing you never do. Scarier than being naked. Scarier than asking for a pay rise. And for a lot of us, we'd rather go along with it, fake it, or h...

19 Mai 45min

How to Self-Pleasure (and Why it Will Change Your Partnered Sex Life)

Did you know your solo sex life is literally the foundation of your partnered sex life?In this episode, Jay-Jay finally figures out why this topic makes her want to crawl under the duvet and never com...

12 Mai 52min

How to Butt Play (Without Making it Weird or Scary)

Anal play. Butt stuff. The backdoor. Whatever you call it, more people are curious than will ever admit it. So this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are going there. Literally.Certified sex and relationship coac...

5 Mai 40min