#21 How to Deal with Trauma Triggers as a Parent | Nerd Notes with Eli

Episode Summary

In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (The Attachment Nerd) takes a compassionate dive into trauma — what it actually is, how it gets lodged in our bodies, and most importantly, how we begin to move through it. Eli breaks down the difference between a true trauma trigger and a new event, shares a deeply personal parenting story about her own trauma response, and offers practical, accessible tools for healing — including the concept of "glimmers" and the power of body awareness.

Key Takeaways

• Trauma is personal. What feels traumatic to one person's nervous system may not to another's — and that's shaped by your wiring, lived history, and identity.
• Eli's working definition of trauma: Any experience that creates a significant threat to your physical safety, your social belonging, or your sense of dignity and identity.
• Trauma is more than the event. It's the event + your body's response + the narrative you build around both of those things.
• Triggers vs. new events: A trigger is your nervous system misreading the present as the past. A new event is genuinely difficult — and you're allowed to recognize that difference.
• Body memory is real. Your nervous system stores trauma as physical sensations — not just explicit memories — which is why healing requires body-based work, not just talking.
• The "red berry" metaphor: Your brain tries to protect you by pattern-matching past threats — but it can misfire on your toddler's tantrum the same way it would on a real danger.
• Healing practices matter. EMDR and Somatic Experiencing are two evidence-based modalities that work with the body to process trauma, not just the mind.
• Glimmers are your anchor. The concept coined by Deb Dana — small, grounding moments of safety — can be intentionally cultivated to help rewire your nervous system toward regulation.
• There is a safe grown-up in the room — and it's you. Looking at your hands, your age, your capabilities can help your body recognize you are no longer the child who was powerless.
• Every day is a new day to rewrite your story and choose how you respond.

About Eli Harwood

Eli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) is a licensed therapist with 19+ years of clinical experience, USA TODAY bestselling author, and founder of the Secure Parenting Program. She is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one attachment relationship at a time.

• 🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Resources Mentioned📚 Books

• Eli's New Book — How to Deal with Your ___ So Your Kids Don't Have To: View on Amazon
• Eli Harwood — Raising Securely Attached Kids: View on Amazon
• Eli Harwood — Securely Attached (workbook): View on Amazon
• Deb Dana — The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy (where "glimmers" was coined): View on Amazon

🧠 Therapy Modalities

• Find an EMDR Therapist (EMDRIA Directory): https://www.emdria.org/
• Somatic Experiencing International (Find a Practitioner): https://traumahealing.org/

💡 Concepts

• "Glimmers" — coined by Deb Dana, LCSW: Learn more at Rhythm of Regulation

Learn More About Secure Parenting

https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/