Accepting Not Being Accepted—The People-Pleasing Trap That Broke a Scrum Master | Gunnar Fischer

Gunnar Fischer: Accepting Not Being Accepted—The People-Pleasing Trap That Broke a Scrum Master

Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes.

"I accepted not being accepted, and that was a big failure." - Gunnar Fischer

Gunnar's biggest failure wasn't a single bad decision—it was an attitude he carried into work for far too long. As an Agile coach and Scrum Master, he watched a new high-ranking manager arrive who didn't like the team, didn't respect them, never even officially introduced herself. And Gunnar did the worst possible thing: he played along. He did the people-pleasing dance without ever getting feedback, recognition, or even a basic conversation. He formed ideas as a team, did the work, asked for nothing back—and accepted that nobody looked at the work. In hindsight, the Scrum value of respect was the missing piece. "The members of a Scrum team respect each other to be capable, independent people, and are also respected as such by the others." Gunnar respected others. He did not demand that respect for himself. The wake-up came in Ecuador—swimming with sharks in the open sea, he realized he felt safer there than in his own office. So he updated his CV, took an internal switch, and finally stepped out of victim mode. His real insight is uncomfortable: if you read about something good—getting time for your own development, being heard, being respected—and you instinctively deflect it or make excuses for why you can't have it, that's a very clear indicator you've internalized being small.

In this episode, we refer to The Coach's Casebook by Geoff Watts, specifically the chapter on people-pleasing.

Self-reflection Question: When was the last time someone described a healthy professional environment to you, and you found yourself making excuses for why you couldn't have it?

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About Gunnar Fischer

Gunnar is the leader of the Chocolate Guild. Agile practitioner with a software developer background and a strong interest in people, intercultural contacts and the bigger picture. Gunnar's purpose is to teach and to learn, to grow as a person and to support others who want the same.

You can link with Gunnar Fischer on LinkedIn.

You can also read Gunnar's writing on his blog, Leader of the Chocolate Guild.