Ep. 465: Parenting A Spicy One with Mary Van Geffen

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In this episode, HeHe sits down with international parenting coach Mary Van Geffen for a conversation every parent of a “spicy” child needs to hear. 💜 We’re talking about the strong-willed, deeply feeling, highly perceptive kids who are often labeled “too much,” “difficult,” or “defiant” when really… they just experience the world differently.

HeHe opens up about her own experience growing up labeled as a strong-willed child and how years of psychology education, therapy, and nervous system work helped her realize the problem was never that she was “bad.” More often, parents simply weren’t given the tools, support, or understanding needed to parent kids with intense temperaments.

Together, HeHe and Mary unpack what’s actually happening beneath tantrums, power struggles, emotional explosions, and big reactions. They talk about nervous systems, attachment, triggers rooted in our own childhoods, and why “connect before you direct” changes everything when parenting highly sensitive or persistent kids. You’ll also hear practical conversations around boundaries that are calm and firm, respectful parenting vs. permissive parenting, repairing after conflict, parenting teenagers with curiosity instead of control, and how to regulate yourself before trying to regulate your child.

This episode is validating, healing, and packed with practical tools for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy kids without shame, fear, or constant power struggles. And if you’ve ever worried that your child is “too much” or that you’re somehow failing as a parent… this conversation is going to feel like a giant exhale. 💜

Guest Bio:

Mary Van Geffen is the international parenting coach for Moms of Spicy Ones®️, as well as a legit Spicy One herself. She wrote the book on thriving when your child ‘s needs feel overwhelming titled, Parenting A Spicy One: A Compassionate Guide for Raising a Wonderfully Strong-Willed and Deep Feeling Kid. (The book is Amazon’s 2026 top new release in both Motherhood and Parenting School Aged Children!) Mary’s work helps parents practice the spiritual discipline of staying calm, kind, and firm with their strong-willed kids - especially when they don't deserve it. She combines her training as a Simplicity Parenting counselor and Professional Co-Active Coach with hard-earned personal experience raising her own spirited daughter and mild-mannered son.She has transformed the lives of over eight thousand mothers with her on-line support group Moms of Spicy Ones Academy that includes hours of on-demand digital parenting classes and group coaching. Mary shares daily inspiration for loving your child and yourself with her 400,000 followers on Instagram. Her greatest achievement is cultivating a connected relationship with both her adult Spicy One child and her Spicy One Enneagram 8 mother.

Connect with Mary:

maryvangeffen.com

SOCIAL MEDIA:

Connect with HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/

Connect with Mary on IG: https://www.instagram.com/maryvangeffen

BIRTH EDUCATION:

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And if you haven’t grabbed it yet… Snag my free Pitocin Guide to understand the risks, benefits, and red flags your provider may not be telling you about, so you can make informed, powerful decisions in labor: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/pitocin

Join The Birth Lounge for judgment-free, evidence-based childbirth education from HeHe that shows you exactly how to navigate hospital policies, avoid unnecessary interventions, and have a trauma-free labor experience, all while feeling wildly supported every step of the way: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/

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