Episode 61: Good News! Thoughts are Optional!

Two inmates. The same caseworker. One thinks she's amazing; the other thinks she shouldn't even have a job. So which is it?

In this episode, I share stories from my coaching classes at the Utah State Prison that perfectly illustrate one of the most foundational principles in coaching: our thoughts — not our circumstances — create our feelings. The same sentencing, the same caseworker, the same camping trip, the same child, the same bank account can produce completely different emotional experiences depending on the thoughts we choose to have about them.

But here's what this episode is not about: rushing to swap your thought for a shinier one. Before we ever change a thought, we need awareness of what our current thoughts are creating for us — in our relationships, our identity, and the meaning we give to our lives.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why circumstances (a sentencing, a caseworker, a "difficult" child) are neutral until we have a thought about them
• The important caveat: thoughts create feelings in a regulated nervous system — and why we need to calm down before we can access our adult brain
• Why "thoughts are optional" doesn't mean lying to yourself or pretending everything is rainbows and daisies
• How our thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies — like the mom who was grumpy with her "grumpy" daughter
• How thoughts confirm our existing beliefs, so our brain only gathers evidence for what we already think
• The three areas where heavy thoughts do the most damage: our relationships, our identity stories ("it's too late for me to change"), and the meaning we load onto circumstances
• Why sitting with a thought — on paper or in prayer — is where the transformation actually begins

Your invitation this week: pick one relationship that isn't going well and ask yourself, "What are my predominant thoughts about this person, and how do those thoughts make me feel? Is that how I want to feel toward them?"

Resources mentioned:

Free Resources: Visit www.brookeoniki.com and click "Free Resources" for short videos on how to stop spiraling thoughts, how to reconnect after a hard interaction with your child, and how to calm an elevated nervous system.

A new Bridges group just started! Learn more about group coaching, or book a consult call to explore private coaching, at www.brookeoniki.com . Click the "Work with Me" tab!

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