Holy Disobedience: Melissa Duge Spiers on Religious Gaslighting and Reclaiming Reality

In this episode of The Gaslight Effect Podcast, Dr. Robin Stern welcomes Melissa Duge Spiers, award-winning essayist, screenwriter, advocate, and author of Holy Disobedience: Sex, Sin, and Secrets in the Biggest Church No One Knows.

Melissa shares her experience growing up as a fourth-generation Seventh-day Adventist in what she describes as a high-control religious system. From rigid rules around food, appearance, behavior, sexuality, and thought, to the constant message that she should not trust her own instincts or questions, Melissa explains how religious control can train a person to look outside themselves for truth, approval, and direction.

Robin and Melissa explore the gaslighting that can occur inside high-control religious environments, especially when children are taught that their feelings, questions, bodies, and perceptions are sinful or dangerous. Melissa reflects on how that early conditioning followed her long after she left the church, shaping her boundaries, relationships, self-trust, and vulnerability to narcissistic and abusive dynamics.

This powerful conversation looks at religious trauma, purity culture, generational control, the "ghost of gaslighting," and the long process of reclaiming one's reality. Melissa's story is one of survival, truth-telling, holy disobedience and the courage to question what you were taught, name what harmed you, and begin to trust yourself again.

You can follow Melissa's journey on social media on Instagram and Tik Tok.

To check out this and other episodes, head over to robinstern.com.

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Dr. Robin Stern's Books:

The Gaslight Effect

The Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide

Emotional Intelligence for School Leaders

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