I Relapsed Before 2 Years Sober And Now I Can’t Stop

Emily returns to Recovering Out Loud mid-relapse to announce she's ending her own sobriety podcast. This is by far The most raw and vunerable conversation we've had on chronic relapse, identity in recovery, and what happens when "sober Sally" disappears.

Emily came on the first season of Recovering Out Loud almost two years sober, running her own recovery podcast Talks on the Rocks. She's back — and she's fighting addiction demons every day.

In this episode, Emily opens up about chronically relapsing on cocaine and alcohol, why she's putting her sobriety podcast on pause, and what it feels like to be the "sober girl" online while crying in the bathroom rolling up a bill she doesn't want to use. We talk about the Mother's Day relapse, the overdose from fentanyl-laced cocaine that nearly killed her, the hole in her septum, dating apps as a relapse trigger, isolation, and the identity crisis of taking a new sales job that puts her in clubs and at open bars for a living.

Anthony shares his own seven-and-a-half-year relapse and why "the obsession of every addict is that one day they'll control it again." If you've ever relapsed after long-term sobriety, struggled with chronic relapse, or felt like a fraud in your own recovery — this one is for you.

Topics covered:

• Why she's ending her sobriety podcast
• Chronic relapse after almost 2 years sober
• Cocaine addiction, septum damage, and using alone
• The Mother's Day relapse
• The fentanyl overdose at work
• Dating apps and addiction
• Identity in recovery: who are you when you're not "the sober one"?
• Why we don't pick up the phone even when we have hundreds of numbers
• Self-pity, shame, and starting over

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a local recovery resource. In the US: SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357. In Canada: Wellness Together 1-866-585-0445.

Recovering Out Loud is hosted by Anthony. New episodes weekly.