Neurodivergent Kids & Divorce

🎧 LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF…

• You're parenting a child with autism, ADHD or suspected neurodivergence through a separation

• You don't know how to tell a literal thinker that their parents are splitting up

• Changeover is falling apart and your child refuses to go to the other house

• Your ex denies the diagnosis, blocks therapy, or says "they're perfect at my place"

• You need the court to understand what your child's daily needs actually look like

• You're heading into a family report and you're dreading it

• You're burnt out, doing all the appointments, and wondering if you've ruined your child

Does the family court actually consider your child's neurodivergence when making parenting orders? What happens when your ex tells the lawyer your child doesn't have special needs at all? And can week-about ever work for a child who falls apart at every changeover?

In this episode, Mum and I are joined by Amanda Lee – an autistic mum of autistic daughters, a qualified Montessori educator, parenting coach and registered counsellor who has also been through the family court herself. Amanda works with neurodiverse families navigating burnout, relationship breakdown and separation, and she brings both the qualifications and the lived experience.

⏱️ EPISODE TIMELINE

00:00 – Neurodivergent Kids and Divorce: What You Need to Know

01:01 – Meet Amanda Lee: Autistic Mum, Counsellor and Parenting Coach

03:22 – What's Actually Different for a Neurodivergent Child?

04:56 – Does the Family Court Need a Formal Diagnosis?

06:17 – How to Tell a Neurodivergent Child You're Separating

10:09 – Warning Signs Your Child Isn't Coping After Separation

13:59 – You Haven't Ruined Your Child: The Skills They're Building

14:32 – Documenting Your Child's Behaviour for the Family Court

15:27 – Transitions and Two Homes: Making Changeover Easier

20:04 – One Safe Person, One Safe Place: How to Parallel Parent

22:06 – When Your Child Refuses to Go to the Other House

22:58 – How to Write Observations That Hold Up as Evidence

26:00 – Free Checklists at The Divorce Course

27:09 – When Your Ex Won't Take the Kids to Therapy or OT

28:00 – The Ex Who Denies the Diagnosis: Talk About Behaviour Instead

30:24 – Masking, the Fawn Response and "Perfect at Dad's"

33:08 – Telling the School and Building Your Support Team

36:24 – "Therapeutic Purposes Only" Counselling Orders Explained

37:07 – How the Family Court Considers Neurodiversity

38:15 – NDIS Plans, Affidavits and a Day in the Life

40:02 – Choosing a Family Report Writer Who Gets Neurodivergence

41:00 – Preparing Your Child for the Family Report Interview

44:10 – Coaching Accusations and How to Avoid Them

46:15 – When Parents Can't Agree on Medical or Therapy Decisions

49:04 – Therapy Costs, Property Settlement and Child Support

51:05 – Support After 18: Adult Child Maintenance Explained

53:06 – Parental Burnout and the "Good Enough Parent" Standard

56:49 – Where to Find Amanda Lee

🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED

• At What Age Can Children Decide Where They Live? –https://youtu.be/hUCh0Nzw0wM?si=3jLmbSGESM3ziQYq

• What Is a Family Report? What to Expect on the Day –https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/family-reports-in-your-divorce/id1503451022?i=1000475552908

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Amanda Lee – Amanda Lee Consulting – amandaleeconsulting.com | Amanda Lee Consulting on Facebook & Instagram

Understanding Zoe app – shared practitioner notes for your child's support team (may be fundable through NDIS)

Teeny Tiny Stevies – ABC Kids / ABC iview (the goodbye-song idea)

Videos for children about the family court – fcfcoa.gov.au

Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) s 60CC – best interests of the child

Family Law Amendment Act 2023 – parental responsibility and joint decision-making changes, in force May 2024

Services Australia – Child Support change of assessment (special circumstances)

NDIS – ndis.gov.au

LINKS & RESOURCES

🌐 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

✅ Free checklists (mediation, disclosure, word salad, read a letter like a pro, before you go) – free resources section at www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

SUPPORT

📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)

📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14

🚓 Police – 000 (immediate danger)

🛟 Content warning: this episode touches on high-conflict separation, post-separation abuse, and parents who deny a child's needs.

⚠️ This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded.

If this episode helped you feel less alone in parenting a neurodivergent child through separation, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn

Your Guides By Your Side

Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST