PTSD and Institutional Betrayal with Tracey Wilkinson

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"I had to save myself because if I stayed where I was, I literally was going to die. It wouldn't have been a proverbial die. It would be a true death."
— Tracey Wilkinson

144 - PTSD and Institutional Betrayal with Tracey Wilkinson

What happens when the people we trust to save others cannot get help saving themselves?

In this powerful and deeply personal episode of the First Responder Wellness Podcast, host Conrad Weaver sits down with Tracey Wilkinson — a retired Fort Wayne, Indiana firefighter with 23 years of service — to talk about one of the most important conversations in the first responder world: what happens when you fall apart, and the institution you gave your life to looks the other way.

Tracey's story begins with a line-of-duty death at a training exercise she was responsible for as a training officer. The guilt of that incident, layered on top of two decades of accumulated trauma, eventually led to a PTSD diagnosis, severe physical symptoms, and a period of suicidal ideation so dark that she describes standing on the edge multiple times.

What kept her here — and her answer is both heartbreaking and profound — was her fierce protectiveness of the people who would have had to respond to her if she hadn't been.

This conversation is for the firefighter who is white-knuckling it through every shift, for the officer who doesn't know why small incidents are suddenly setting them off, and for the administrators and union leaders who want to do better but don't know where to start. Tracey brings both her lived experience and her academic training to offer one of the most grounded, compassionate, and clinically informed conversations on this podcast.

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