EP502 - Why You're Attracted to the Wrong People (And How to Change It)

Welcome to Episode 502 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I am excited to be joined by Jane Garnett, LMFT who speaks to me about how our attraction patterns develop and whether we change who we are drawn to.

In this episode, Jane and I discuss why we can have so much attraction to people who are emotionally unavailable or unable to give us the secure relationship we want. We also look at how attachment styles, cultural conditioning, unmet emotional needs, and past relationship experience can influence what is exciting or desirable.

Jane Garnett is an Oxford-educated speaker, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), EMDR practitioner, and author of This Time with Feeling (May 12, 2026). With nearly 20 years in private practice, her work often centers on high-functioning individuals whose lives look successful on the outside but are shaped by patterns of emotional disconnection, anxiety, or underlying dissatisfaction. As a psychotherapist, Jane helps people rewrite the beliefs that subconsciously shape their lives, recognize the scripts they inherited, listen to the body’s signals, and make choices that create actual safety and connection— helping them shift not just their circumstances, but their relationship to themselves and their lives.

In this episode, you will hear:

• Changing Our Attraction Patterns
• Understanding Unhealthy Relationship Templates
• When Chaos Feels Like Chemistry
• Attraction To Emotionally Unavailable Partners
• Cultural Messages About Desire
• Exploring The Meaning Of Fantasy
• Affairs As A Form Of Splitting
• Learning To Choose Yourself
• Regulating The Nervous System
• Rewiring Relationships Through EMDR

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