Halloween: H20 (1998)

Mark survived his first episode, so naturally he came back for another.

This time, Brad kicked things off with a travel story that somehow involved a near-missed flight, a greasy Bojangles biscuit that stained his shorts, and enough airport anxiety to make MTD's "arrive four hours early" philosophy sound completely reasonable.

Then they reviewed Halloween H20.

Except... they refused to call it Halloween H20.

Within minutes the movie had been permanently renamed Halloween Water, because apparently someone in Hollywood thought using the chemical formula for water was cooler than calling it Halloween 20 Years Later. Brad wasn't buying it.

Instead of discussing the plot, the guys immediately started pitching better movies.

What if Michael Myers went camping?

What if Michael Myers took a road trip across America?

What if Michael Myers stopped at Buc-ee's to carve brisket?

What if he worked the carving station wearing a hairnet while still carrying the same knife he'd been using for twenty years?

All of those somehow sounded more entertaining than the actual movie.

Then came the question nobody at the studio apparently asked:

How does Michael Myers get from Illinois to California?

This is before GPS.

Did he have an atlas?

Did he stop at a gas station and ask for directions?

Did he kill people just to pay for fuel?

Did he spend the night at a Motel 6?

These are the mysteries Movie Torture asks because Hollywood refuses to.

The movie itself didn't escape the criticism either.

Brad couldn't figure out why Michael Myers suddenly decides not to kill people he normally would.

Mark questioned how Laurie Strode somehow became the head of a private school after faking her identity.

Neither of them understood why the school supposedly had hundreds of students but only about six people ever appear on screen.

By the halfway point they'd also discussed Kevin Williamson, Dawson's Creek, Josh Hartnett's permanently messy hair, LL Cool J's career, Rocky, The Muppet Show, and whether Michael Myers secretly wakes up every October 31st like a bear coming out of hibernation thinking, "Guess it's time to go find Laurie again."

Somewhere in there they did eventually talk about Halloween Water.

Not much.

But enough to conclude that twenty years of waiting somehow produced a movie where the funniest part wasn't Michael Myers...

...it was imagining him asking a stranger for directions to California.