Monogamy, Polyamory, or Something Else? Finding Your Relationship Style with Dr. Eli Sheff Part 1 | Episode 24

What kind of relationship actually works for you—and how much of that answer comes from what you genuinely want versus what you've been taught a relationship is supposed to look like?

In this two-part conversation, we sit down with Dr. Eli Sheff, sociologist, certified sexuality educator, longtime researcher of consensual non-monogamy, and Director of Sexual Health Alliance's Advanced Certification in Consensual Non-Monogamy. Drawing on more than 25 years of research, Dr. Sheff takes us beyond the stereotypes surrounding polyamory and into what people's relationships and families actually look like.
In Part 1, we explore the many ways people build relationships, from monogamy and polyamory to swinging and other forms of consensual non-monogamy. Dr. Sheff introduces the Bonding Project, explains how to determine which relationship structure might work for you, breaks down common mistakes people make when opening relationships, and tackles everything from unicorn hunting to couples privilege.

• There is no single relationship structure that works for everyone. Monogamy, polyamory, swinging, and other relationship styles come with different expectations around emotional intimacy, exclusivity, autonomy, and commitment.

• Before trying consensual non-monogamy, it's important to consider not only how you feel about having additional partners, but how you would feel about your partner having those same opportunities.

SHOW SUMMARY:

00:00 – Non-traditional Relationship Models and Cornerstone Needs

00:21 – Introduction to Dr. Eli Sheff and Consensual Non-Monogamy

01:14 – Guest Icebreaker: Dr. Eli Sheff's Background in African Dance

01:54 – Overview of The Bonding Project Relationship Test

03:56 – Audience Compatibility and Romantic Bonding Archetypes

05:59 – Inspiration and History Behind Creating The Bonding Project

08:10 – Relationship Diversity, Stigma, and Fluid Expectations

09:58 – Paid Results Expansion and Managing Polycule Expectations

11:49 – Sponsor Segment: Sexology Practice Guide Promotion

12:28 – Defining Consensual Non-Monogamy, Open Relationships, and Polyamory

13:47 – Emotional Intimacy vs. Couple's Privilege in Polyamory and Swinging

16:12 – Identifying Personal Alignment with Monogamy vs. Polyamory

19:07 – Structuring Relationship Boundaries, Open Arrangements, and Alone Time

21:33 – Sociological Differences Between Polyamory, Polygamy, and Polygyny

22:56 – Socioeconomic Requirements of Polyamory and Women's Autonomy

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show's guests also share their expertise at their events.

• Join them at: www.SexualHealthAlliance.com

More from this episode's guest and topics discussed:

• Dr. Eli Sheff: https://elisabethsheff.com/

• The Bonding Project: https://www.bondingproject.com/

• Sexual Health Alliance Advanced Certification in Consensual Non-Monogamy: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/consensual-non-monogamy-certification

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