The Mother-in-Law Series: When it's Hard

The Mother-in-Law Series: When It's Hard

This is the last episode in my five part series on being a mother-in-law. If you've listened to the other four and felt a wince here or there, this one is for you. Even if things have been hard for a long time, it isn't too late to change.

We can't change our daughter-in-law or son-in-law. The only thing we can really work on is ourselves. Here are five places to start.

1. Process your own emotions. Disappointment and hurt don't go away just because we push them aside. Sit with the feeling, journal about it, pray about it. Let yourself actually feel it so it can move through you instead of getting stuck.

2. Revisit the story you're telling yourself. Our brain looks for evidence to prove whatever we already believe. If the story is "we never recovered," our brain will keep finding proof of that. We get to ask if that's still the story we want to tell.

3. Work on emotional regulation. Staying in a regulated nervous system lets us respond with curiosity instead of reacting out of hurt or fear. This is what allows us to stay consistent and warm even when a relationship feels hard.

4. Take an honest look in the mirror. Not to beat ourselves up, but to notice patterns we might not see otherwise. Are we easy to be around? Are we curious about her life?

5. Decide how you want to handle it. Some things we choose to let go of. Some are worth talking through, either directly or with a coach or neutral party first. Either way, check your motives. Are you trying to win, or trying to connect?

Mentioned in this episode:

Episode 6, "When the Story Hurts, Start With the Facts"

Joseph Grenny's quote, Unprocessed emotions don't go away, they go to the basement and lift weights."

Announcements:

Local class on nervous system regulation, Thursday, September 10th, 7 to 9pm in South Jordan, Utah. $25. You can register at https://buy.stripe.com/5kQeVd7wsfZC4wXdYm2kw0M

Retreat in Alta, September 17th through 19th. Brooke is the keynote speaker. $250. Email brooke@brookeoniki.com for details.

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