How to Master Your Emotions & Never Get Annoyed or Bothered by Anyone

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You've done the courses. You've read the books. You've done the therapy work. And you're still sitting there thinking, why can't I move?

That isn't a knowledge problem. You already know the direction you need to move in. Something is stopping you from acting on it.

In this episode I make the case that when something big goes, a marriage, a role, a title, a business, a person, what you actually lost was your container. That identity was doing a job for you. It was holding your emotions in place. And when it went, the emotions didn't go anywhere, they just lost their anchor. Which is exactly why it feels like a confidence problem, and exactly why treating it as one doesn't work.

I share what I learned reading KPI spreadsheets as a partner in a FTSE 250 business, where I could tell you which person on a team was struggling before anyone said a word to me. And I give you five lessons you can use today.

The five lessons

1. You didn't lose your confidence, you lost your container
2. Emotions compound, and the danger is the delay, not the emotion
3. Your emotions are data, and naming them changes your nervous system
4. Every emotion needs a different solution, which is why the wrong course leaves you exactly where you started
5. SAS: space and self-regulate, before you decide anything

Lesson four is the one almost nobody talks about, and it's the reason people spend thousands and come back feeling identical.

Not sure which one is yours?

I've built a short quiz that tells you which pattern is running things for you right now, with an audio to listen to based on your result. It takes a couple of minutes.

Quiz - Click here

Research mentioned in this episode

• Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., and Way, B. M. (2007). Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity in Response to Affective Stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421 to 428.
• Kashdan, T. B., Barrett, L. F., and McKnight, P. E. (2015). Unpacking Emotion Differentiation. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24(1), 10 to 16. Note that this literature is largely correlational rather than causal.

About Dr. Amen Kaur

Dr. Amen Kaur is a trauma-informed who spent over 20 years in leadership, becoming a partner in a FTSE 250 business, before moving into helping women after major life transitions achieve their career and business goals through identity change & creating systems that help implement change.