Two Wheelchairs, One Marriage: The Questions People Actually Ask Us

What happens when two wheelchair users fall in love, get married, build careers, travel the world and navigate life together? Apparently, people have questions. After sharing more of their life as a disabled couple online and seeing an overwhelming response, Alycia Anderson brings her husband, Marty Anderson, back to Pushing Forward with Alycia for a lighter, candid and often hilarious Q&A about their nearly 15 years of marriage. Who is more stubborn? Who notices an accessibility problem first? Who takes longer to get ready? Who carries more disability-related gear? And when the world is not designed for two wheelchair users, how do they figure it out? As Alycia and Marty quickly discover, the answers lead to much bigger conversations about disabled relationships, wheelchair accessibility, accessible travel, independence, interdependence, ableism and belonging. Two Disabled People. One Very Normal Marriage. One of the biggest misconceptions Alycia and Marty encounter is the assumption that when disability exists in a relationship, one person must automatically become the caregiver. Their reality is much different. They help each other. Sometimes that means Marty holding Alycia's wheelchair during a transfer or Alycia grabbing onto Marty's chair for a tow. Sometimes it means reviewing an email, figuring out a business decision or helping each other navigate a difficult moment. And sometimes it simply means knowing somebody is standing beside you. As Alycia puts it, having Marty on her team makes her feel braver in the actions she takes in her life. Their partnership illustrates something much bigger: support in a relationship does not always move in one direction. When Accessibility Assumes Disabled People Are Alone Some of the funniest stories in the episode expose something decidedly less funny: much of the world is still designed around the assumption that a wheelchair user will be accompanied by a nondisabled caregiver. Movie theaters may provide one wheelchair space and one companion chair. Venues may offer accessible seating without considering that two wheelchair users might actually want to sit beside each other. Transportation systems may have accessibility policies but still create frustrating or alienating customer experiences. Hotels may technically meet accessibility standards while still making everyday tasks difficult. Alycia and Marty have spent years navigating those gaps together. Their solution is often the same: Figure it out. For Alycia, that mindset is deeply connected to disability itself. When the world is not designed for you, creativity and adaptation become part of everyday life. The Airport Shuttle Stress Is Real Accessible travel gets its own unofficial therapy session in this episode. Alycia and Marty talk about one of their biggest travel stressors: getting from the airport to the rental car facility. Wheelchair-accessible shuttle experiences can be unpredictable. Ramps may not work. Drivers may approach wheelchair passengers differently. Other travelers may board while wheelchair users are still waiting. Policies can sometimes override a simple conversation about what actually works best for the individual passenger. The frustration is not always about the equipment. It is about the experience. Marty describes accessibility as something that should create a feeling of being invited rather than treated like an exception. That distinction between technical access and true belonging sits at the center of much of Alycia's work. Accessible Parking Is More Complicated Than It Looks Alycia and Marty also tackle one of disability culture's perennial hot topics: accessible parking. They are quick to point out that disability does not have one appearance. Someone using an accessible parking space may have a completely legitimate non-apparent disability. But they also raise an important distinction around van-accessible spaces and access aisles. Those striped areas next to certain spaces are not extra parking. They provide the room someone may need to deploy a wheelchair ramp, transfer from a vehicle, use a walker or maneuver mobility equipment. It is another example of how accessibility education can make systems work better for everyone. What Do Nondisabled Couples Take for Granted? Their answer? Sometimes, spontaneity. Traveling without researching accessibility. Accepting an invitation to someone's house without wondering whether you can enter. Booking a rideshare without thinking about whether a wheelchair will fit or whether the driver will refuse the trip. Checking into a hotel without wondering whether the mirror can actually be seen from a wheelchair. These may seem like tiny details individually. Collectively, they shape whether people can participate fully and independently in everyday life. Disabled Relationship Myth Busting Perhaps the biggest misconception Alycia and Marty challenge is the belief that two disabled people somehow live a fundamentally different kind of relationship. Their marriage has accessibility logistics and mobility adaptations, yes. It also has careers. Finances. Intimacy. Arguments. Love. Partnership. Medical challenges. Travel. Laughter. And almost fifteen years of figuring life out together. Disability is part of their relationship. It is not the entirety of it. Marriage Is Still Marriage Near the end of the episode, Marty asks Alycia what nearly fifteen years together has taught her that has nothing to do with disability. Her answer becomes one of the episode's most beautiful moments. Marriage, she says, is one of the hardest things she has ever committed to, but also one of the very best. Creating a life with another person remains one of the accomplishments she treasures most. And after several heavy weeks for the Anderson household, their final Pushing Forward Moments are wonderfully simple. Marty's: Take life a little lighter. Have some fun. Everything does not have to be serious. Alycia's: All you need is love. Sometimes pushing forward means solving the accessibility problem. Sometimes it means advocating for change. And sometimes it means laughing with the person sitting beside you while you figure everything else out. IN THIS EPISODE Alycia and Marty discuss: What life is actually like for two married wheelchair users Who is more stubborn about asking for help Why asking for help can be difficult when independence has been ingrained in you Who notices accessibility barriers first Wheelchair travel and airport shuttle frustrations Accessibility versus genuine hospitality and belonging Why Alycia carries more disability-related supplies while traveling When they speak up about inaccessible environments How two disabled partners physically and emotionally support each other The assumption that every disabled person has a nondisabled caregiver Why theaters and entertainment venues often fail wheelchair-using couples Disability, marriage and intimacy Accessible parking and non-apparent disabilities Why van-accessible spaces serve a specific purpose Rideshare and transportation discrimination Why accessible hotel rooms should not have thick carpet How disability creates everyday problem-solving skills Automatic doors and universal access Spontaneity and the hidden planning involved in disability What nearly fifteen years of marriage has taught them Finding more fun, light and love in everyday life KEY THEMES 💞 Disabled Love Disabled people date, marry, build families and experience the same complex layers of partnership as anyone else. ♿ Accessibility vs. Belonging Compliance can create access. Human-centered design creates belonging. 🤝 Interdependence Independence does not mean doing everything alone. Healthy relationships involve giving and receiving support. ✈️ Accessible Travel Transportation, hotels, shuttles and rideshares remain major areas where accessibility can break down. 👀 Disability Representation Systems often reveal an underlying assumption that disabled people will be accompanied by nondisabled caregivers. 💡 Problem Solving Adaptation is not an occasional disability skill. It can become an everyday way of navigating environments not designed with you in mind. ❤️ Marriage Underneath all of the disability-specific logistics, Alycia and Marty are simply two people who have spent almost fifteen years building a life together. UNFORGETTABLE QUOTES “Being disabled and a couple is not nearly as complicated or ‘tragic’ as some people imagine.” ~ Alycia Anderson “How do two people help each other? It’s just a natural thing to do when you love each other.” ~ Marty Anderson “The world’s not built for us, so we figure it out.” ~ Alycia Anderson CHAPTERS / TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Podcast Welcome 00:25 Why This Q&A 02:59 Stubbornness And Help 04:35 Travel Shuttle Stress 07:45 Getting Ready Routines 09:19 Parking Spot Etiquette 12:27 Speaking Up Access 14:13 How We Help 17:24 Myths And Assumptions 20:35 Non Disabled Privilege 23:08 Hot Takes Debate 27:05 Marriage Lessons Wrap 27:50 Pushing Forward Moments Connect with Alycia Anderson Visit⁠⁠ ⁠⁠AlyciaAnderson.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ to learn more about Alycia’s keynotes, disability inclusion programs, accessibility resources, and consulting services. Explore more episodes of⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Pushing Forward with Alycia⁠⁠⁠⁠. Pushing Forward is how we roll. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices